Just Do It

Page 841

Should I?

Or should I not.

A part of me is telling me to go.

To experience it.

To just do it.

Just for the sake of experience.

Another part of me is telling me not to.

Like I don't have to..

That it's not worth it.

Not worth the risk.

I'm not too sure.

Having second thoughts.

But I'm not gonna get any younger.

So....

Yeah.

I'll.. do it.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Julia Michaels - Just Do It

I see it in your eyes
That you wanna tell me something
And I feel it, see the signs
That you wanna tell me something
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

And I know it hadn't been easy
But is it cause for us giving it up?
I know you've got your reasons

So if you're gonna do it
Then baby just do it
Don't let me down gently
If you're gonna do it
Then baby just do it
I'll get over it eventually

You asked me
"How many times do you think were we on and off again?"
And I'll tell you
"Just this time"
'Cause I don't think that I could do it all again, no, no

And I know it hasn't been easy
But is it cause for us giving it up?
I know you've got your reasons

So if you're gonna do it
Then baby just do it
Don't let me down gently
If you're gonna do it
Then baby just do it
I'll get over it eventually

Before I'm too invested
Don't make your once selective

If you're gonna do it
Then baby just do it
Don't let me down gently

Baby, at least it would be better than this
Baby, at least it would be better than this

So if you're gonna do it
Then baby just do it
Don't let me down gently (it would be better)
If you're gonna do it
Then baby just do it
I'll get over it eventually (it would be better)

Before I'm too invested
Don't make your once selective

If you're gonna do it
Then baby just do it
Don't let me down gently (it would be better)

Worst In Me

Page 840

Resist... temptations...

I gotta.

I need to get rid of it.

It brings out the worst in me.

And I hate.

Scared of holding on.

Scared of letting go.

I just wanna do my own stuff.

My own way.

And maybe someone will come along and..

Notice me.

For who I am.

For once.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Julia Michaels - Worst In Me

Yeah

Remember when I used to be happy for you
Could go out with your female friends and I'd be totally fine
Remember when you used to be happy for me
You'd celebrate all my success without crossing a line

Now it's like we're scared of getting good
Cause we know the truth is that we could
Yeah we know that we might actually work
And the truth is that we could

But maybe it's the worst in me
That's bringing out the worst in you
I know we could fix these kinks
But the worst in me doesn't want to
Work on things
But the best in me wants to love you
But the worst in me doesn't want to

It's almost like I've gotten so used to resentment
That every annoying little thing you say has lost it's effect
It's almost like it's made you a little bit bitter
When I don't always react the way you expect

It's like we're scared of getting good
Cause we know the truth is that we could
Yeah we know that we might actually work
And the truth is that we could

But maybe it's the worst in me
Bringing out the worst in you
I know we could fix these kinks
But the worst in me doesn't want to
Work on things
But the best in me wants to love you
But the worst in me doesn't want to

I won't hurt you again if you won't, if you won't
And baby I won't lose you again if you won't, if you won't
Remember when I use to be happy for you

But maybe it's the worst in me
That's bringing out the worst in you
I know we could fix these kinks
But the worst in me doesn't want to
Work on things
But the best in me wants to love you
But the worst in me doesn't want to

Better By Now

Page 839

What do I want?

Felt a little empty today.

So I tried to make it productive.

It was.

But I can't help but think about it.

The present.

The past.

I've made mistakes I know I'll make again.

But I guess it's part of the ride.

I thought I'd be better by now.

But I guess it'll always unconsciously affect me.

But who cares?

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: R I T U A L - Better By Now

[Verse 1]
I close my eyes and count to ten
I've made mistakes I know I'll make again
I write messages I'll never send
I'm not okay but if you want it I'll pretend
It's all good, I'm not scared and I'll hold on

[Chorus]
But you said, I'd be better by now
All my friends, said I'd be better by now
But who cares? 'Cause I'm not better by now, no
I'm not better by now
And you said I'd be better by now
All my friends, said I'd be better by now
But who cares? 'Cause I'm not better by now, no
I'm not better by now

[Verse 2]
Another 4 AM my battery is low
And I still miss you checking that I got home
Leave the lights on when I sleep alone
And I know I should but I just can't let go
It's no good, I'm still scared, wish I was strong

[Chorus]
But you said, I'd be better by now
All my friends, said I'd be better by now
But who cares? 'Cause I'm not better by now, no
I'm not better by now
And you said I'd be better by now
All my friends, said I'd be better by now
But who cares? 'Cause I'm not better by now, no
I'm not better by now

[Bridge]
I miss you, I miss me
The me I was before, the me before the storm
'Cause if I miss you, then I miss me
The me I was before, the me before the storm
Yeah, I miss you and I miss me
The me I was before, the me before the storm
Yeah, I miss you, I miss me
The me I was before

[Chorus]
And you said, I'd be better by now
All my friends, said I'd be better by now
But who cares? 'Cause I'm not better by now, no
I'm not better by now
And you said I'd be better by now
All my friends, said I'd be better by now
But who cares? 'Cause I'm not better by now, no
I'm not better by now

Wouldn't Be Love

Page 838

An encounter today.

Even after telling myself to stop countless times.

Cause what if I miss out?

That tinge of innocence..

I was a bit surprised.

Late bloomers always fascinated me.

I'm trying not to get so infatuated easily.

But I guess I already am.

What's wrong with me?

I know how it would end.

I just feel like I should be alone.

But you were so my type.

And I can't help but wonder if you felt the same.

We should be together.

Wait no...

It's a stupid idea.

But it wouldn't be love, if it didnt hurt..

Right?

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: R I T U A L - Wouldn't Be Love

[Verse 1]
Take another dip, venom on my lips
You know how it takes its toll
Take another trip, hands up on your hips
Here comes another tale of war

[Pre-Chorus]
And we should be together
You could be the madness I like
I ain't any better
Without your menacing up in my mind

[Chorus]
It wouldn't be love if it didn't hurt nobody
Love if it didn't crush you
Wouldn't be love if it didn't leave you lonely
Love, it wouldn't be
Love if it didn't hurt nobody
Love if it didn't crush you
Wouldn't be love if it didn't leave you lonely
Love, it wouldn't be
It wouldn't be love
It wouldn't be love

[Verse 2]
Now to serenade, get you hearing my mistakes
Baby, that's the way we are
This line of love and hate, let's walk until we break
Maybe that's the sweetest part

[Pre-Chorus]
And we should be together
You could be the madness I like
I ain't any better
Without your menacing up in my mind

[Chorus]
It wouldn't be love if it didn't hurt nobody
Love if it didn't crush you
Wouldn't be love if it didn't leave you lonely
Love, it wouldn't be
Love if it didn't hurt nobody
Love if it didn't crush you
Wouldn't be love if it didn't leave you lonely
Love, it wouldn't be
It wouldn't be love
It wouldn't be love

[Bridge]
Is this what they mean when
I guess I never knew
The strongest feeling
Gave me the weakness part of you
Who do we blame when
Perfection makes mistakes?
It's a given

[Chorus]
'Cause it wouldn't be love if it didn't hurt nobody
Love if it didn't crush you
Wouldn't be love if it didn't leave you lonely
Love, it wouldn't be
Love if it didn't hurt nobody
Love if it didn't crush you
Wouldn't be love if it didn't leave you lonely
Love, it wouldn't be
It wouldn't be love
It wouldn't be love

13 Beaches

Page 837

Solitude.

Tranquility.

Took the time to rest today.

Right where I belong.

It took me 13 beaches.

To find one empty.

To get me where I am.

I still get lonely,

Even when I'm in a crowded place.

We all long for something real.

But in reality, everything is fake.

Whom can you trust?

No one but yourself.

I don't know who should initiate.

But I'm tired of always being the goddamn one.

It hurts to love you.

But I still love you.

Cause its just the way I feel.

Even if I know we can't be together.

It's a fact that I can't deal.

I'd die.. for something real.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Lana Del Rey - 13 Beaches

I don't belong in the world
That's what it is
Something separates me from other people
Everywhere I turn
There's something blocking my escape

It took thirteen beaches to find one empty
But finally it's mine
With dripping peaches
I'm camera ready
Almost all the time

But I still get lonely
And baby only then
Do I let myself recline?
Can I let go?
And let your memory dance
In the ballroom of my mind
Across the county line

It hurts to love you
But I still love you
It's just the way I feel
And I'd be lying
If I kept hiding
The fact that I can't deal
And that I've been dying
For something real
That I've been dying
For something real

It took thirteen beaches to find one empty
But finally I'm fine
Past Ventura
And lenses plenty
In the white sunshine

But you still can find me
If you ask nicely
Underneath the pines
With the daisies
Feeling hazy
In the ballroom of my mind
Across the county line

It hurts to love you
But I still love you
It's just the way I feel
And I'd be lying
If I kept hiding
The fact that I can't deal
And that I've been dying
For something real
That I've been dying
For something real

It hurts to love you
But I still love you
It's just the way I feel
And I'd be lying
If I kept hiding
The fact that I can deal
The fact that I can deal

Coming Home For Summer

Page 836

Just got back from my 2nd trip this year.

:)

Back to The Land Of Smiles.

Brought back a lot of nostalgic memories.

Especially since it was my peace trip in the beginning of the year.

Though it could've been better,

I dont regret it.

This trip, I learnt a lot from the same people.

Who I could rely on.

Who relied on me.

Which qualities makes you likeable.

The content of getting my own room and being alone.

It worked.

Patience is key.

I feel refreshed again.

Now I'm ready.

I'm coming home for summer.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: James Arthur - Coming Home For The Summer

We started in October
Drowned our sins in cold November rain
Fought all through December
Prayed for snow to cover up the pain
Been so long under winter's night
Waiting for the sun
Watching the horizon

Everybody's coming home for summer
Battlefields a thousand miles away
What a feeling, taste the freedom
There with every bite
Finally we're coming home

We shadow-boxed the enemy
Swing until we extradite our fears
They're backed into a corner
Ring the bell, we shed our blood and tears
Like hibernating stow-aways, hoping for the sun
Watching the horizon

Everybody's coming home for summer
Battlefields a thousand miles away
What a feeling, taste the freedom
There with every bite
Finally we're coming home

Oh, we suffered in silence
Through storms and through violence
We've stayed our way
The waves have sub-sided
The clouds have divided
Found a reason to survive
Found the will to stay alive
That will be the last thing that we do
Heading for summer
Back home for summer

Everybody's coming home for summer (everybody)
Battlefields a thousand miles away
What a feeling (what a feeling)
Taste the freedom (freedom)
There with every bite
Finally we're coming home
Oh, we're coming home
Oh, I'm coming home

Livin

Page 835

I thought I saw you. 
I really did.
I swear to God.
Was it you?
But I'm not so sure.
I turned away.
My heart was beating intensely.
I tried to make myself look busy.
But my mind was occupied.
What if it was really you?
How would I react?
What would happen?
I swear.. 
I don't know.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Hello August.

It's been a great trip so far.

Here I am up on my last night in Krabi.

It's been a peaceful trip so far I guess.

Maybe it's just how I am.

Livin in my own bubble.

I've been like that since Poly Days.

I don't wish to meddle in other people's business.

Do whatever you want lol.

But if you're gonna constantly make me feel like shit.

I'm gonna cut you off.

There's more to life than lust & sex.

People my age brush it off with sarcasm.

But they can't look at the bigger picture.

I honestly don't f*cking care.

:)

Guess it's a brand new me? 

I hope so.

I'm livin' without a care.

Gonna sleep this last night in peace.

Goodnight.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Sevyn Streeter - Livin

When I first started this journey of writing this album, all I thought of was just making, you know, good songs. "I want the drums to be like this, and the keys to be like this, and the guitar to be like this," and then I came across this title, "Girl Disrupted," and I loved it so much, but little did I know that that shit was actually gonna happen to me in life for real. And so here I am, you know, towards the end of finishing my album, creating my album, and then that's where I went through probably the most craziest shit I ever went through in my whole entire life. (Suffer with depression, I suffer with depression) So this album for me is more than just music, it's more than just music. Love, loyalty, and liberation. Girl Disrupted.

I lost a fight with my heart
I lost my way in the dark
On a roller coaster, up and down
But look at me now, look at me now

Got the whole world looking at me, feeling crazy
Hard times in my feelings, suffocating
[?] like they made me
I've been waiting on this moment for a long time
And I'mma be damned if I let 'em count me out

And I'm betting on myself
Oh, and living without a care
Go on, sit back and watch 'em stare
Oh, I am living without a care

Brand new me
I know that you got your eyes on me
So hey bitch, hey bitch, hey bitch, hey bitch
Back to the stars
Miles away in a broken car
I lost my bet tryna find myself
But now I'm back like I never left

I had the whole world looking at me, feeling crazy
Hard times in my feelings, suffocating
[?] like they made me
But I've been waiting on this moment for a long time
And Imma be damned if I let 'em count me out, yeah

And I'm betting on myself
Oh, and living without a care
Go on, sit back and watch 'em stare
Oh, I am living without a care
Oh, living without a care
Oh, I am living without a care

Brand new me, yeah
Brand new, brand new me, yeah
Brand new, brand new me, yeah
Brand new me, living without a care
Brand new me, yeah
Brand new, brand new me, yeah
Brand new, brand new me, yeah
Brand new me, living without a care
Brand new me, yeah
Brand new, brand new me, yeah
Brand new, brand new me, yeah
Brand new me, living without a care