Bad Habits

 Page 1481

Time.

It's always been a problem.

It doesn't stop.

So I have to make the best out of what I'm given.

24 hours.

That's all we have.

I'd usually sleep in through the morning.

But I decided to change it up today. 

And break out of my bad habits for once.

My natural alarm (parents) woke me up at 6am.

And I decided to go gym at 6.30. 

Surprisingly there were a lot of souls there.

Like.. does no one sleep????

Decided to do shoulders and some statics.

Cycled a bit after, and went back by 8am.

Spent the rest of the days just.. taking a moment to relax. Unwind.

Watched 2 episodes of Defending Jacob.

And then Runescaped all the way till it was time to prep food for work.

Damn. I've been missing out on a lot of time.

Haha. Let's see how long I can keep this up.

I've already been yawning throughout the day. 

Dont want to depend on caffeine.

Gotta try and keep this up.

What else can I do?

Time is.. precious.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: JoJo - Bad Habits

Feed me love, sex, and drugs
Bring me more, it ain't enough
Tell I'm pretty, yeah, I need that
Think I'm too sober, where the weed at?
Pay me attention
Give me any and everything to forget all that I'm missing
I know I'd rather be anywhere but here with me
Here I am stuck in reality
Gotta leave for my sanity
'Cause the mirror won't lie to me no more
And I can't hide from me no more

Everything, everything, everything
Everything, yeah
Everything, everything, yeah
Everything to forget

On The Nature Of Daylight

 Page 1480

Been back and forth to clinics for my dental appointments today.

After a tiring day, I found myself walking to a significant park nearby.

The weather, just as I remembered it.

With the nature of daylight nowhere to be seen, it was dark & gloomy.

And slightly drizzling.

So many things.. have changed since. 

As I walked around the park, and past the playground.

I time-walked through it.

Those flashbacks.

Funny, they do not affect me anymore.

But I figured it was fine for me to just revisit.

I took a deep breathe of fresh air and soaked in the moment.

And went home to sleep the rest of the day away.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Max Richter - On The Nature Of Daylight 

Happiness

 Page 1479

Happy Anniversary.

Yes it was our anniversary this past week.

I know I rarely post about us, because I like to keep things simple & private.

2 years since my life has changed.

You've brought so much happiness in my life. 

I hope you know how much love I have for you.

Thank you for always making me feel so special and loved.

The best relationship I've ever had.

Your love.. healed me.

I cant imagine a life without you..

And I hope to spend the rest of my days with you.

🤍

:)

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Taylor Swift - Happiness

Honey, when I'm above the trees
I see this for what it is
But now I'm right down in it, all the years I've given
Is just shit we're dividin' up
Showed you all of my hiding spots
I was dancing when the music stopped
And in the disbelief, I can't face reinvention
I haven't met the new me yet

There'll be happiness after you
But there was happiness because of you
Both of these things can be true
There is happiness

Past the blood and bruise
Past the curses and cries
Beyond the terror in the nightfall
Haunted by the look in my eyes
That would've loved you for a lifetime
Leave it all behind
And there is happiness

Tell me, when did your winning smile
Begin to look like a smirk?
When did all our lessons start to look like weapons
Pointed at my deepest hurt?
I hope she'll be your beautiful fool
Who takes my spot next to you
No, I didn't mean that
Sorry, I can't see facts through all of my fury
You haven't met the new me yet

There'll be happiness after me
But there was happiness because of me
Both of these things, I believe
There is happiness

In our history, across our great divide
There is a glorious sunrise
Dappled with the flickers of light
From the dress I wore at midnight, leave it all behind
And there is happiness

I can't make it go away by making you a villain
I guess it's the price I paid for seven years in Heaven
And I pulled your body into mine
Every goddamn night, now I get fake niceties
No one teaches you what to do
When a good man hurts you
And you know you hurt him, too

Honey, when I'm above the trees
I see it for what it is
But now my eyes leak acid rain on the pillow where you used to lay your head
After giving you the best I had
Tell me what to give after that
All you want from me now is the green light of forgiveness
You haven't met the new me yet
And I think she'll give you that

There'll be happiness after you
But there was happiness because of you, too
Both of these things can be true
There is happiness

In our history, across our great divide
There is a glorious sunrise
Dappled with the flickers of light
From the dress I wore at midnight, leave it all behind
Oh, leave it all behind
Leave it all behind
And there is happiness

Therefore I Am

 Page 1478

Not sure what the Universe is trying to send my way today.

An unexpected complain that made me feel so bad and not myself today.

You really cant please everyone..

And everyone will judge you out of context.

Its all up to you. And your conscience.

Therefore I am.. not gonna apologise for something that I did not do.

I am standing my ground.

Whether you like it or not.

Love, Eran. 

Current Song Mood: Billie Eilish - Therefore I Am

I'm not your friend
Or anything, damn
You think that you're the man
I think, therefore, I am
I'm not your friend
Or anything, damn
You think that you're the man
I think, therefore, I am

Stop, what the hell are you talking about? Ha
Get my pretty name out of your mouth
We are not the same with or without
Don't talk 'bout me like how you might know how I feel
Top of the world, but your world isn't real
Your world's an ideal

So go have fun
I really couldn't care less
And you can give 'em my best, but just know

I'm not your friend
Or anything, damn
You think that you're the man
I think, therefore, I am
I'm not your friend
Or anything, damn
You think that you're the man
I think, therefore, I am

I don't want press to put your name next to mine
We're on different lines, so I
Wanna be nice enough, they don't call my bluff
'Cause I hate to find
Articles, articles, articles
Rather you remain unremarkable (Got a lotta)
Interviews, interviews, interviews
When they say your name, I just act confused

Did you have fun?
I really couldn't care less
And you can give 'em my best, but just know

I'm not your friend
Or anything, damn
You think that you're the man
I think, therefore, I am
I'm not your friend
Or anything, damn
You think that you're the man
I think, therefore, I am

I'm sorry
I don't think I caught your name
I'm sorry
I don't think I caught your name

I'm not your friend (I'm not your friend)
Or anything, damn
You think that you're the man (They wanna, they can try)
I think, therefore, I am (I am)
I'm not your friend (Friend)
Or anything, damn (They wanna)
You think that you're the man (You're the man)
I think, therefore, I am (Therefore, I am)

Woven Song

 Page 1476

Another cosy day spent with my partner.

With the cooling rainy weather.

I was wrapped like a comfy woven sweater and slept through the evening.

2021 has really started out more peaceful than I expected.

And I'd like to keep it that way.

Simple.

Watched a Pixar movie called Soul today.

It is so.. relatable. And touching.

It's not just about chasing your dreams.

It's all about.. appreciating the small things.

Your goals in life may not fulfil you in the end.

It is all about the process.

And taking the time to stop and appreciate life.

I loved it. And got teary at the end.

So many things I wanna do, so little time.

But that's how it be like.

One day at a time..

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Olafur Arnalds - Woven Song

Gold Rush

 Page 1476

Started off the year with a reunion with one of my besties.

Even though I was tired from work (surviving on 3 hrs of sleep), it was worth it.

Where else but to have our yearly affair @ Mukshidonna!

This girl was so confused she thought we had Mukshidonna last year.

When in fact, the last was in 2019. Hahaha.

Ok to be frank, we've concluded that the food isn't that great anymore. 

So probably will be our last time here in a while xD

But meh, it was a nice catch-up indeed!

Managed to fill each other on what's happened the past year. Some crazyyy revelations made.

I'm sure her mind was >  🤯🤯🤯.

Haha. Felt so cozy today.

The weather has been super nice lately and I even got to wear my Melbourne jacket without breaking a sweat. It's that cold!!!

Not complaining, loved every single second of it. Yas.

We bought Starbucks after dinner, walked around the mall, then walked back to Pasir Ris Interchange.

It really feels like a brand new world today. A gold rush like no other.

I'm so thankful for having someone close that I can confide in.

Thank you for always being there for me.

Till next time. 

x

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Taylor Swift - Gold Rush

Gleaming
Twinkling
Eyes like sinking ships
On waters so inviting
I almost jump in

I don't like a gold rush, gold rush
I don't like anticipating my face in a red flush
I don't like that anyone would die to feel your touch
Everybody wants you
Everybody wonders what it would be like to love you
Walk past, quick brush
I don't like slow motion double vision in rose blush
I don't like that falling feels like flying till the bone crush
Everybody wants you
But I don't like a gold rush

What must it be like
To grow up that beautiful?
With your hair falling into place like dominoes
I see me padding across your wooden floors
With my Eagles t-shirt hanging from the door
At dinner parties
I call you out on your contrarian shit
And the coastal town
We wandered round had never
Seen a love as pure as it
And then it fades into the gray of my day-old tea
'Cause it could never be

'Cause I don't like a gold rush, gold rush
I don't like anticipating my face in a red flush
I don't like that anyone would die to feel your touch
Everybody wants you
Everybody wonders what it would be like to love you
Walk past, quick brush
I don't like slow motion double vision in rose blush
I don't like that falling feels like flying till the bone crush
Everybody wants you
And I don't like a gold rush

What must it be like
To grow up that beautiful?
With your hair falling into place like dominoes
My mind turns your life into folklore
I can't dare to dream about you anymore
At dinner parties
I won't call you out on your contrarian shit
And the coastal town
We never found will never
See a love as pure as it
'Cause it fades into the gray of my day-old tea
'Cause it will never be
Gleaming
Twinkling
Eyes like sinking ships
On waters so inviting
I almost jump in

Good Days

 Page 1475

Happy New Year!!!!

Damn.

Time reallyyy flies.

I wonder what the next year will bring.

It is gonna be scary. 

Yet exciting.

Hopefully, another year of healing and growth.

Growing older.

Maybe pick up a new skill? I'm quite serious about learning music production..

Maybe changing careers? Nursing is so.. diverse. Maybe there's a perfect job out there waiting for me. I kind of miss working in an office.

What about a change of course? Studying Medicine? Seems far-fetched but if fucked up people can become doctors, why the heck not? (Based on experience) 

I hope we can start traveling again.

Who knows.

Melbourne, my heart longs for you.

So many places. I wanna visit. Japan. Korea. Iceland. New Zealand.

So many things to do.

So many opportunities to explore.

So many days to just... live.

Good days will come.

And I'm looking forward to it. 🤍

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: SZA, Jacob Collier - Good Days

Good day in my mind, safe to take a step out
Get some air now, let your edge out
Too soon, I spoke, you be heavy in my mind
Can you get the heck out?
I need rest now, got me bummed out
You so, you so, you, baby, baby, babe
I've been on my empty mind shit

I try to keep from losin' the rest of me
I worry that I wasted the best of me on you, baby
You don't care
Said, "Not tryna be a nuisance, it's just urgent"
Tryna make sense of loose change
Got me a war in my mind
Gotta let go of weight, can't keep what's holding me
Choose to watch
While the world break up and fall on me

All the while, I'll await my armored fate with a smile
Still wanna try, still believe in good days, good days
Always inside (Always in my mind, always in my mind, mind)
Good day living in my mind

Tell me about my fears, my limitations
I'll disappear, if you let me
Feeling like, yeah (On your own)
Feeling like Jericho
Feeling like Job when he lost his shit
Gotta hold my own, my cross to bear alone, I
Ooh, paid a deal, way to kill the mood
Know you like, that shit getting good with it
Baby, baby, heavy on my empty mind shit

I gotta keep from losin' the rest of me (Rest of me)
Still worry that I wasted the best of me on you, baby
You don't care
Said, "Not tryna be a nuisance, it's just urgent" (It's urgent)
Tryna make sense of loose change
Got me a war in my mind (My mind)
Gotta let go of weight, can't keep what's holding me
Choose to watch
While the world break up and fall on me

All the while, I'll await my armored fate with a smile
Still wanna try, still believe in good days, good days
Always sunny inside (Always in my mind, always in my mind, mind)
Good day living in my mind

Gotta get right, tryna free my mind before the end of the world
I don't miss no ex, I don't miss no text
I just choose not to respond
I don't regret, just pretend shit never happened
Half of us layin' waste and our youth is in the present
Half of us chasin' fountains of youth and it's in the present

Always in my mind, always in my mind, mind
You've been making me feel like I'm
Always in my mind, always in my mind, mind