Heaven I Know

Page 1283

Feels so good to be back in your arms again.

It's been far tooooo looooooong.

This is.. the heaven I know.

I've missed you.

And our goofy moments together.

It's been 11 beautiful months.

We have our ups and downs.

But we are just a perfect fit. 

:)

I am lucky.

To have you by my side.

Unlike the past years.

This year has been a total change for me.

And it's all because of you.

And for that, I'm forever grateful.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Gordi - Heaven I Know

Wear me, wear me out
It's all strung out
You found what carried you

Fall out, everyone fall out
Get lost in this town
Some road that's getting worn
At our feet, at our feet now

'Cause I got older
And we got tired
Heaven I know that we tried
Heaven I know
Heaven I know

Yeah I got older
And we got tired
Heaven I know that we tried
Heaven I know
Heaven I know
Heaven I know that we tried
Heaven I know
Heaven I know

Longer still, withstanding the most I will
Still be the most I can
Drying out, dragging down now

'Cause I got older
And we got tired
Heaven I know that we tried
Heaven I know
Heaven I know
Heaven I know that we tried
Heaven I know
Heaven I know
Heaven I know that we tried

Ascending, ascending now
Heaven I know
Heaven I know that we tried
Ascending, ascending now
Heaven I know
Heaven I know that we tried

Heaven I know
Heaven I know
Heaven I know that we tried
Heaven I know
Oh, heaven I know
Heaven I know that we tried

Body

Page 1282

I woke up late today.

I guess I needed the sleep.

I've been pushing myself the past few 4 days.

And I can feel my body telling me to stop.

Telling me to rest.

Fatigue and aches.

But I can't.

I can't stop.

Because people notice.

Because I don't like what I see in the mirror.

I don't.. love my body.

I hate it.

That my metabolism sucks.

That I can't eat properly without feeling guilty.

That it affects the areas that are most sensitive to me.

My face and my stomach.

I hate it.

I hate it.

I hate it.

I am trying really hard.

To fight it.

Each day.

And I hope it will be enough..

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Julia Michaels - Body

Sorry I'm a bitch to you
I know that I'm the reason that you're so insecure
Think that I'd know better
As I get a little older

I'm sorry I'm a bitch to you
I know that I'm the reason you don't smile anymore
Think I'd learn my lesson
'Cause now I'm feelin' empty

And you say, "Why do you talk to yourself like that?"
I say, "I don't know why."
Oh
You say all of these things are just in my mind
Kiss me 'til I'm alright

I just wanna love my body
Like you love my body
I wanna look in the mirror
And tell it that it's beautiful like you do
I wanna love my body
Like you love my body
Wanna make it feel like it's incredible like you do

And I don't see what you see
But I want to, I wanna love...
Love my body like I love your body

I'm sorry I don't let you go out with your friends
Last time I think I said it was a little too short
And you said I harp on you too much
So you put a sweatshirt on 'cause you gave up
Watched TV still in your make-up
And you stayed in it 'til you waked up
You wiped it off when we made up

And you say, "Why do you talk to yourself like that?"
I say, "I don't know why."
Oh
You say all of these things are just in my mind
Kiss me 'til I'm alright

I just wanna love my body
Like you love my body
Wanna look in the mirror
And tell it that it's beautiful like you do
I wanna love my body
Like you love my body
Wanna make it feel like it's incredible like you do

And I don't see what you see
But I want to, I wanna love...
Love my body like I love your body

I just wanna love my body
Like you love my body
I wanna look in the mirror
And tell it that it's beautiful like you do
I wanna love my body
Like you love my body
Wanna make it feel like it's incredible like you do

Bitter End

Page 1281

I saw a shiny beetle today.

In the park after my run.

It scurried in front of me.

Seemed like it was having an adventure of its own.

Like 'A Bug's Life'.

I watched carefully, appreciating its beauty.

The beauty of nature.

Out of nowhere, a giant lizard came out, crawling towards it.

The beetle tried hiding, under a crack of the playground floor.

But alas, the lizard stuck his head inside, and gobbled it up.

It crawled up back to the tree.

Where it camouflaged itself.

 While birds passed by, oblivious to it.

And just like that, the beetle's life, was over.

--------------------------------------------------------------

I just finished the latest 13 Reasons Why series.

And wow, it's a lot to process.

I'm not even sure if what they did was right.

Where they went with that storyline.

It was a bitter end.

But someone had to pay the price, right?

What got me, was when one of the characters started opening up about his sexual assault experience.

And breaking down.

And his friend just.. hugged him.

It was such amazing acting.

I was bawling.

I felt that.

I'm sorry.

I'd hug anyone that's ever had to go through that.

Cause.. I'm a survivor, too.

And I can only wish, that other victims have people they trust to confide in.

Take your time.

It gets better.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Gordi - Bitter End 

Well, we're we all just bending backwards
Like the world's end has arrived
Now the heartbreaks
Build a story for those who have survived
So go on, keep on turning
Or keep burning to the ground
You'll still find that they're still fighting
For the chance of one more round

So take a step back again
We'll grind ourselves down to a bitter end
Don't deny me
Don't deny me my bitter end

(Give me something just to hold)
(Give is vengeance)
(Give us hindsight)
(Give us something just to hold)
We don't care if what we're asking is something we've been told
Get those words stuck in your mouth to spill out something new
'Cause we're all sick of talking about what everyone's been through

So take a step back again
We'll grind ourselves down to a bitter end
Don't deny me
Don't deny me my bitter end

Oh, I can't tell you a story
There's nothing more to say
We'll just move on like the others
Who smell of yesterday
So lead us off somewhere
Not where we fought and died
'Cause we'll be catching the wind before nobody is alive

So take a step back again
We'll grind ourselves down to a bitter end
Oh, take a step back again
We will grind ourselves down to a bitter end
Don't deny me
Don't deny me
Don't deny me my bitter end

(Give me something just to hold)
(Give me something just to hold)

ZION

Page 1280

Still felt surreal waking up this morning.

Is there such thing as post-holiday syndrome? Haha.

But I can't complain. Exactly a year ago I went on a little trip alone.

I was abandoned. Alone. And I had no one to turn to.

November... Actually, the end of the year usually scares me.

Because usually shit happens to me.

But hey, at least this one worked out in the end. :)

Didn't feel good about myself today because my mum kept nagging about my weight gain.

Just great. The first thing she tells me after I come home.

I took a slow jog - a disappointing one. And after a round around the neighbourhood, I took a seat in the park.

And just took in the moment.

In the shade, dark clouds forming, and the cool breeze.

Like something out there was watching over me.

Contemplating life.

'What's next?'

'Where do I go from here?'

So many possibilities in my head.

So many uncertainties.

But I'm sure.

Somehow.

That I'll reach my own ZION someday.

Just a little.. faith.

That it will be okay.

That it will all work out.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Vancouver Sleep Clinic - ZION

God has given me a job
So I write four-minute songs
I want the world to sing along
Every tribe and every tongue

Thought I met a girl that was different
But she's hiding in the filter on her Instagram
Why is everyone somebody else when they get the chance?
I'm just looking for a headline that's what it says
I'm more afraid of life than I am afraid of death
I used to go for days without leaving bed
They say the Book of Revelation hasn't started yet
Well I been staring down a beast counting 7 heads

I thought you really liked me
I guess that I was wrong
'Till kingdom come, 'till Zion's sun, I'll hit that drum
I'm marching on
I thought you really liked me
I guess that I was wrong
'Till kingdom come, 'till Zion's sun, I'll hit that drum
I'm marching on

I left my laptop in the rain
Just wanna see the light of day
I lost some songs but that's ok
There's just so many things I gotta say

We been fighting on the way to the promised land
Money just like manna got us separate
Everyone around me always acting like they heaven sent
I know a lot of Africa thinks different
Why's the preacher flying in a private jet?
Why's the church running like a business?
I'm feeling like I'm in a big social experiment
I need you more than anything

I thought you really liked me
I guess that I was wrong
'Till kingdom come, 'till Zion's sun, I'll hit that drum
I'm marching on
I thought you really liked me
I guess that I was wrong
'Till kingdom come, 'till Zion's sun, I'll hit that drum
I'm marching on

And I couldn't hear you
And I couldn't feel you
I prayed for your rescue
Am I on my own?
The heavens are caving
The temple is shaking
I need you to save me (save me, save me)
Save me
Save me

God has given me a job
So I write four-minute songs
I want the world to sing along
Every tribe and every tongue

Surface

Page 1279

Home sweet home.

Just unpacked all my shit.

No joke man.

Not sure how to fit all these clothes in my closet hahaha.

And that's just the surface.

This jet lag is killing me too.

Had a migraine throughout my flight

At least I managed to get some sleep.

Looking back, it's been a really memorable trip.

It was smooth.. Like as if someone was looking out for us.

I can't explain it.

A hopeful beginning to many more.

I am really thankful for everything.

:)

But now, it's back to reality.

Gonna focus on getting my shit together this month of December.

Decisions that could change my life in 2020.

Lets do this.

Gotta sleep this headache off,
goodnight.

xx

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: San Holo Ft Caspian - Surface

Slow down
You're racing ahead
Drown out
The words that they said
Won't you
Come up for air
When you surface I'll be right here

Slow down
You're racing ahead
Drown out
The words that they said
Won't you
Come up for air
When you surface I'll be right here

When you surface I'll be right here

Slow down
You're racing ahead
Drown out
The words that they said
Won't you
Come up for air
When you surface I'll be right here

Slow down
You're racing ahead
Drown out
The words that they said
Won't you
Come up for air
When you surface I'll be right here

When you surface I'll be right here

This Town

Page 1278 

Maaaan.

One last day.

11 days passed by so fast.

Well, all good things come to an end.

I'm going to miss this.

Being carefree, and just hanging around in the city.

Drinking coffee and eating good food every day.

Shopping till I drop.

Dressing up in clothes that I'd never imagine myself in.

Haha, I am reallyyyy just a simple person.

But the sales here are just crazy!

It felt like this trip was meant to happen. 

Even though it had its ups and downs..

I'm glad we went through it.

Honestly, I never thought I'd make it through November.

It was such a different time, last year.

At least this trip helped put my mind off things.

And it's finally ending.

It's time to get out of this town.

Cant wait to come back though.

:)

One last sleep, and then I'm off.

Till then, see you again, Melbourne.

xx.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Kygo Ft Sasha Sloan - This Town

All of my friends are settling down
They're only kids but they're married now
Let's follow the lights
Follow the crowd
Baby we got to get out
Let's get out of this town

I want an ocean view, somewhere
As long as I'm next to you, I don't care
I don't wanna live my life in circles
I just wanna find an empty road
Let's get away from here, let's go

All of my friends are settling down
They're only kids but they're married now
Let's follow the lights
Follow the crowd
Baby we got to get out
Let's get out of this town

Nothing ever changes here, I know
Another day, another year, same old
I don't wanna live my life in circles
I just wanna find an empty road
Let's get away from here, let's go

All of my friends are settling down
They're only kids but they're married now
Let's follow the lights
Follow the crowd
Baby we got to get out
Let's get out of this town

Let's get out of this town
Let's get out of this town
Let's get out of this town
Let's get out of this town
Let's get out of this town
Let's get out of this town

Good When We Fight

Page 1277

A lot of self-reflecting today.

And just, basking in the moment.

As the world goes by.

This trip as been just that.

Perfect.

With the smelly farts, pests, fatty food, and unpredictable weather.

:) 

Every couple has their ups and downs.

I find that its good when we fight.

Once in a while. of course.

Because at the end of it, we only come out stronger.

One last day in this beautiful city of Melbourne.

Let's take it easy, & make it last.

xx

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Eluera - Good When We Fight

We know this won't be the last time
I call you screaming
I say i'm leaving

You say 'shut up, you know we'll be fine'
You're just like your mother
You forgive me, we recover

And it's been like this since we were 18
But I wouldn't change a thing

Why do you have to look so good
When we fight?
I'm finding it hard to stay mad when
I catch your eye
Know we're gonna be alright
Cause we do it all the time
Why do you have to look so good
When we fight?
Fight

It's hard to think that things are fine
When you won't say what's on your mind
We just sit here watching static

And the way you don't blurt shit out
I needa know cause its killing me now

And I just wanna try fix this
But you got me so conflicted

Why do you have to look so good
When we fight?
I'm finding it hard to stay mad when
I catch your eye
Know we're gonna be alright
Cause we do it all the time
Why do you have to look so good
When we fight?
I'm going crazy but

Why do you have to look
Why do you have to look so good?
Why do you have to look
Why do you have to look so good?
Why do you have to look
Why do you have to look so good?
Why do you have to look
Why do you have to look so good?

You're talking crazy, my head is racing
You say you're done, don't come home but i'm coming over
Cause after its over

You'll hold me the way you do

And then for a couple weeks we'll be cool
But I know we're hurting
You just look so good

Why do you have to look so good?

When we fight
I'm finding it hard to stay mad when I catch your eye
Know we're gonna be alright
Cause we do it all the time
Why do you have to look so good
When we fight?
Fight
Fight
Fight

Why do you have to look so good
When we fight
Fight