You Ruin Me // Did You Miss Me?

Page 149

It's been a fucking year. 

Seriously. Read my text but don't know how to reply? Keep making up all your bullshit lies, excuses and sarcasm. You're existence just pisses me off. The urge I have to just block you out of my life is so damn strong. But you still owe me something of mine.

I'd thought you'd show some growth over a year but hell NO. Still as childish as ever. Still the same. Stop making yourself look like a joke.

I don't even want to have anything to do with you anymore. I just want my fucking jacket back.

It's been such a mentally & emotionally exhausting day. I was preparing myself to find you. I was on my way back from a friend's place and it was already 10.30pm. Checked my phone and Mum texted me to ask me where I am. At this moment the train doors opened. And they stayed opened for what felt like a really long time. I hesitated. 2 times. 'Should I? But I'm prepared. But its so late. I have work tomorrow. Is this worth it?' Then a voice inside my head just told me to 'Go.' And I did. I walked out past those doors. And as I did, I swore to myself… That this isn't over.

I know I made the right move. It wouldn't be worth the trouble to go out this late just to search for you.

But. This isn't the end.

:)

 I'm gonna fucking find you. Mark my words.

Love, Eran

You fucking ruin me. 

Current Song Mood: The Veronicas - You Ruin Me

Job well done
Standing ovation
Yeah you got what you wanted
I guess you won
And I don't want to hear, they don't know you like I do
Even I could've told you
But now we're done

'Cause you play me like a symphony
Play me till your fingers bleed
I'm your greatest masterpiece
You ruin me
Later when the curtains drawn
And no one's there for you back home
Don't cry to me, you played me wrong
You ruin me

I know you thought
That I wouldn't notice
You were acting so strange
I'm not that dumb
And in the end I hope she was worth it
I don't care if you loved me, you make me numb

'Cause you play me like a symphony
Play me till your fingers bleed
I'm your greatest masterpiece
You ruin me
Later when the curtains drawn
And no one's there for you back home
Don't cry to me, you played me wrong
You ruin me

We're that song you wouldn't sing
Just a broken melody
You're killing me

You play me like a symphony
Play me till your fingers bleed
I'm your greatest masterpiece
You ruin me
Later when the curtains drawn
And no one's there for you back home
Don't cry to me you played me wrong
You ruin me

Bet you thought you'd seen the last of me? Well you thought wrong.

Current Song Mood #2: The Veronicas - Did You Miss Me? (I'm A Veronica)

I'm a Veronica

Back with a vengeance, back with a song
All you motherfuckers got it wrong
I'm the villain, I'm the one
Yeah I was born just to take you on

Open your eyes up, step in the ring
Float like a butterfly, bee I sting
I'm like Snow White with a gun
shoot you down, bang bang
You're done

Did you miss me?
Did you really think that I was gone?
So baby tell me, did you miss me?
Did you really think that I was done?
I'm a Veronica

'Cause down under we don't take no prisoners
We don't take no prisoners

'Cause down under we don't take no prisoners
We don't take no prisoners

From my homeland to Hong Kong
By the time you find me I'll be gone
But you never thought I'd hit like that
Looks like hell? just got back

My best friends, my enemy
Oh who is me, I'll take 'em one by one
And if you get in my face then you'll get a taste
Even God would run son

Did you miss me?
Did you really think that I was gone?

'Cause down under we don't take no prisoners
We don't take no prisoners
'Cause down under we don't take no prisoners
We don't take no prisoners

I'm a Veronica

I'm on mission to the stars
I'm the love child living life on Mars
I'm the next king in line for the throne
Ascendancy let it be know
I won't stop, gonna run this town gonna sip
sip down
Gonna bring you out
'Cause if I'm not where you wanna be, then boy
step back up all of me
'Cause I don't need to follow you down

Cause i am so demand, don't know if i'm
coming or going
Yeah there's a glitch in your bitch, bitch, white
my empire keeps growing
Cause i am so demand, don't know if i'm
coming or going
Yeah there's a glitch in your bitch, bitch, white
my empire keeps growing

Did you miss me?
Did you really think that I was gone?
So baby tell me, did you miss me?
Did you really think that I was done?

'Cause down under we don't take no prisoners
We don't take no prisoners

'Cause down under we don't take no prisoners
We don't take no prisoners

'Cause down under we don't take no prisoners
We don't take no prisoners

'Cause down under we don't take no prisoners
We don't take no prisoners

I'm a Veronica.

I

Do It // Colour Rush

Page 148

TGIF!!! So I'm finally done with my OT posting. It's been a looong 5 days tbh haha. But I've seen and learnt so much. :)

Some highlights:

- Gf's dad sent me and Riri every morning! So thankful cause we get to sit and nap in the cab. :)

Here's GF's cat sniffing my feet while I was waiting for her. ._. He literally gave me the 'wtf ew' face after that. LMAO. Lub you Tommy :3

Oh and I managed to snap some unglam photos of her today. HAHA.

Can I not HAHAHA.

- Remember the doctor that talked to me with his pants down? Lmao. Well he talked to me again today.  This time, with his pants on. Lol. And he suddenly asked if I was going to Friday prayers. Even offered to give me a lift. Felt so guilty cause I haven't been going due to my fixed work schedule, so I had to politely refuse. But it was really nice of him to offer. Bless him. :)

- So back to my posting, saw circumcision for the first time. When I was posted there my CI was telling the staff nurse: 'He's here for circumcision.' HAHA. Whuuut. I was like, ' to OBSERVE*' I'm already cut okays. ._. HAHA. I really wanted to see it so I actually scrubbed in for it. :) They let me have closer look and I saw how they did the procedure. Lets just say I really appreciated that my Dad sent me for the laser procedure instead of the traditional 'cut and suture' method. Sheesh.

- Got to see caesarean section. I was really, really nervous for this because I've never seen so much blood and cutting done on a human body before. I'm glad she didnt feel a single thing. Saw how they cut open her stomach and literally spread it apart, just to take the baby out. Wow. I swear, there was this moment of silence, like the angels were passing it over to the real world (Or maybe I was just holding my breath). And then the baby started crying. It was a beautiful moment. :) And one I will never, ever forget.

- Got to care for patients at the reception and recovery stations. Learned so much that when I was confident enough to try out, my nurse said I was really efficient. Haha. :)

- Got to see other procedures like the removal of the uterus (it was a size of a football!!!), bone and spine fixations. Wanted to see amputation though but didnt have the chance to. And did you know, they have a theatre where a robot actually does the operation for them! Cool right? Heh. Honestly wouldn't mind working in this field. But I gotta have a lot of knowledge and work experience first. :)

Had our last debriefing today and got to take pictures. :)

Just chillin' with mah nigguh.

And completed the day with a selfie. Kinda gonna miss changing into scrubs! So comfy!

Looking forward to my ED posting next!

That's all for now..

Gonna chill on my weekends. And..

Prepare myself for That special day. 

Until next time… 

Ps. Josh Farro is back and his music sounds refreshing! :)

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Farro - Color Rush

I’ve got you on my mind

like a symphony of melodies that climb

I’ve got you in my sight

but half the time I wonder if our feelings could align

Your reflection carries through the night

so bright

CHORUS:

You left a stream of color rush in my head

over the black and white

A deep breath under the water

You’re a blinding love, a rush in my head

I’ve got you in my reach

like a secret that’s kept hidden underneath

I’ve got to make you see

'cause everytime I shut my eyes you're staring back at me

You left a stream of color rush in my head

over the black and white

A deep breath under the water

You’re a blinding love, a rush in my head

You rush in my head

You rush in my head

You rush in my head

You rush in my head

You left a stream of color rush in my head

…

You left a stream of color rush in my head

over the black and white

A deep breath under the water

You’re a blinding love, a rush in my head

Blinding love, a rush in my head

I'm craving for more…

Current Song Mood #2: Selena Gomez - Do It

Sitting on my bed with just a t-shirt on
Turning up the volume to my favorite song
Boy I can't lie
What we did last night
You know it's constantly replaying, staying on my mind
I'll show you want I like boy boy boy,
If you show me what you like boy boy boy,
I'll show you what I like,
Show you what I like like,
If you show me what you like boy

If I had choice
If I had my way
Boy you know we'd do it every single day
If I had a wish
And If I had my way
Boy you know we'd do it every single day

Damn
Wish I didn't feel so hypnotized,
But When I look at you baby it's justified,
So I take what I want,
And give what I got,
To help with all the rules that keep us civilized

I'll show you want I like boy boy boy,
If you show me what you like boy boy boy,
I'll show you what I like,
Show you what I like like,
If you show me what you like boy

If I had choice
If I had my way
Boy you know we'd do it every single day
If I had a wish
And If I had my way
Boy you know we'd do it every single day

No where I'd rather be
Than anywhere alone, just you and me
I'll be too gentle, you'll be my Clyde
We'll be together forever we'll ride
I want you more and more
You gotta take that and the day before
No lie, no lie, no lie, no lie

If I had choice
If I had my way
Boy you know we'd do it every single day
If I had a wish
And If I had my way
Boy you know we'd do it every single day

I'll show you want I like boy boy boy,
If you show me what you like boy boy boy,
I'll show you what I like,
Show you what I like like,
If you show me what you like boy

I Only Know Him (In The Dark)

Page 147

Saw some really exciting procedures today. Caesarian section!! I've always wondered what it'd feel like to see someone cut open your stomach and take your baby out. Such an eye-opening experience. I think I'll talk more about it tomorrow. :) 

I've never.. taken this road before. 

Love was always at the core. 

Of anyone I've been with before.

I want more than what it is. 

The truth hurts. 

But I guess..

 I only know you in the dark.

Love, Eran.

Your smell still lingers.

Current Song Mood: JoJo - In The Dark

This ain’t the first or last time
We’ll meet up this late at night
To let our fates intertwine
Casually I’d rather be
Detached from all tragedy
This don’t need to be defined

And I know that it’s wrong
I do, I do
Baby keep holding on
I do, I do
Yeah, I know that it’s wrong
I do
When the sun comes up I’ll be gone

[Chorus:]
I only know him in the dark
I only know him in the dark

Try to stay desensitized
Keep my feelings out of mind
My body won’t be denied
Never took this road before
Love was always out the core
Of anyone I’ve been with before

And I know that it’s wrong
I do, I do
Baby keep holding on
I do
Yeah, I know that it’s wrong
I do
When the sun comes up I’ll be gone

[Chorus:]
I only know him in the dark
I only know him in the dark

A smile’s across your face
Your lips a familiar taste
Stay focused, I try
Can’t get this out of my mind
I want more than what this is
Whatever we’re calling this
The truth just breaks my heart

[Chorus:]
I only know him in the dark
I only know him in the dark

You Don't Know Me

Page 146

Had a really bad start today. It wasn't just me, it was the work environment too. Everybody was pretty negative. And I was one the verge of tears. But I knew I had to pull myself together and push through.

I'm the type of person who will always make mistakes when I'm trying out something for the first time. Yes, I'm blur, but I'll always learn from my mistakes. Just ask my attachment friends, haha, they know all the stupid things I've done. Scrubbed in for the first time today and I messed up pretty bad. It was my first time. I was nervous. But dissing me right in front of my face and in front of my other colleagues wasn't necessary. Very rude. Unprofessional. And images of slashing someone's neck started playing in my mind. But of course, my violent thoughts will never happen. :)

At the end of the day, I became more confident in what I was doing. And I hope you saw that.

You think you know but you don't have no idea.

So don't talk to me like you know me.

Peace.

xx

Love, Eran.

I don't need to live by your rules. Cause you don't control me.

It's my life, so truth be told.

Current Song Mood: Ariana Grande - You Don't Know Me

Center of attention once again
They don't understand
They don't understand, no
Then they try to tell me who I am
They don't understand
They don't understand, no

You want a perfect picture to believe in
Then you can't be looking for me then

I don't need to live by your rules, you don't control me
Until you've walked a mile in my shoes, you don't know me
And I know, I know, I know you don't like it
You don't, you don't, you don't know where I've been
It's my life so truth be told
(I see you thinking but there's just one thing, dear
And you think you know but you don't have no idea
Think you know me but there's more to see my love)

Same arguments time and time again
And you watched them all happen
But they don't understand, no
Thinkin' you're the reason that it ends
And he won't be back again
But they don't understand, no

You want a perfect picture to believe in
Then you can't be looking for me then

I don't need to live by your rules, you don't control me
Until you've walked a mile in my shoes, you don't know me
And I know, I know, I know you don't like it
You don't, you don't, you don't know where I've been
It's my life so truth be told
You don't know me

The girl you see in photographs is only
A part of the one I am, don't judge me
'Cause that's not reality and all I can be
Is in love with who I'm becoming

(Think you know me but there's more to see my love
You think you know but you don't have no idea)

I don't need to live by your rules, you don't control me
Until you've walked a mile in my shoes, you don't know me
And I know, I know, I know you don't like it
You don't, you don't, you don't know where I've been
It's my life so truth be told
(I see you thinking)
You don't know me

I don't need to live by your rules, you don't control me
Until you've walked a mile in my shoes, you don't know me
And I know, I know, I know you don't like it
You don't, you don't, you don't know where I've been
It's my life so truth be told
(I see you thinking but there's just one thing, dear
And you think you know but you don't have no idea
Think you know me but there's more to see my love, my love)

Always

Page 145

Today was my first time in the operating theatre. And I saw a few couple of surgeries. Damn. It was so cool. But really tiring. I was really impressed by the surgeons for being so calm and collected even when the surgery was complicated. There was a moment where the blood splurted out and the scrub nurse gave the surgeon a 'wtf' face. HAHA.

There were lots of X-Rays to be taken, so they use this portable machine.. and we have to hide behind a portable wall that will protect us from the rays. So whenever they did the x-ray, me and the nurses who are not protected will actually run to the wall to hide. LOL. It was hilarious. And the wall is so small, imagine 3 nurses hiding behind it. ._. Haha. It was so interesting seeing all the raw flesh, and the surgeons and nurses working in a team. Awesome.

Oh and in the morning, one of the doctors was changing his pants. And I was walking towards the toilet. And he suddenly struck a conversation with me. With his pants down. LMAO. I was so disturbed okay. Don't do that to me early in the morning la. ._.

After school, met up with Riri and GF again :) This time we went to Gelare for some ice cream and waffles! GF was so noisy today, singing and all but me and Riri were like.. 'I'm too tired for this'. Lmao.

Choco Ice creaaaam.

Gah so sleepy. Gonna get to bed early..

Today's song of the day.. I didn't get the song at first. And it was my least favourite. But now I totally get it. You've shown me unconditional love. And I'll always appreciate it. <3

Love, Eran.

I do trust you. Always.

I'm here to stay.

Current Song Mood: The Veronicas - Always 

My house my house is yours
So you can take your coat off
And you can close the door
My love's not going to run out
You've asked me this before
I'm gonna say the same thing
My heart my heart is yours
You've gotta learn to trust me
'Cause I didn't say only 'til the party ends
No I didn't say only 'til the Money's spent
No I didn't say only when the music plays
I said always
I said always
You hide your heart away
'Cause hearts just end up hurting
I am here to stay
Just wish you felt like you deserved it
Your eyes are on the floor
I wish you saw what I see
I'm forever yours
Darling please believe me
'Cause I didn't say only 'til the fun runs out
No I didn't say only 'til this all falls down
No I didn't say only if the sunshine stays
Oh whoa oh oh oh
I said always
Always
Always
Always
What else can I say to convince you?
I'm not gonna leave you
Oh, I'm here to stay, yeah
Come on take my hand
Rest your head upon my shoulder
I will help you stand
Please just let me help you
'Cause I didn't say only till the night time comes
No I didn't say only while we're both still young
No I didn't say only while the music plays
I said always
I said always