Suburbia

Page 464

I watched back at the montage I made.
Reminiscing.
The past year
The trip back in Bali...
Those memories.
It feels like a dream.
I got a little emotional.
The feels were real.
It's been a while.

------------------------------------------------------------

Things were so different this time last year.
Looking back...
I'm glad things turned out the way it did.

From Internships to Relationships to Graduation to Overseas trips to Working to dramatic Break Ups and NS life..

It's been so overwhelming honestly. 
Like i'm living in suburbia.
Streets filled with so much memories.
Going through so much in just a span of a year..
Thinking next about the future..

There are a couple of people I really wanna thank, for making such an impact on my life this year.

My Makchicks; Ida and Ecah: Who are married now and happily preggy. Oh gosh <3

Syah, Riri and GF: For being there during my darkest times, advising and seeing the change in me. Wont be where I am without you girls <3

My Nerds; Heykim and Minie: For reuniting this year and making me treasure our past. I'm so glad it happened.

My horny babesss: YX, Lily, Tomei,Premz for always supporting and attending all the major events. Love you muah muahhhh.

My Section Mates for their unique individual characters & making my BMT such a memorable one. So many special moments hahaha. Hope to see you guys sooooon!

Especially to these few:

Andrew Bolonggong, the mega bitch that puts my Buddy into his place HAHAHA. Thanks for teaching me guitar, the Demi Lovato marathon we had and always being there for me whenever anyone tries to bully this poor short boy xD 

And my special cute awesome pretentious lovely BUDDY:

For always being there for me. From the start to the finish.

When I first found out you were a performer, I knew we were fated to be buddies.

So much to be thankful for.

For introducing me to the local music scene. Letting me gain exposure, giving me the opportunity to perform/busk with you, and building my confidence up. We're gonna rise together, I believe in that.

For giving me so much love and support in everything I do. And treating me like your own brother. #Bromo 

For always making me smile and laugh out loud each day.

Beatboxing and singing with me.

Lying on my bed at night and talking about life.

ALL THE GODDAMN FUNNY MOMENTS HAHA.

You inspire me.You’re someone I really treasure.

& I’m sososo thankful for you.

Thank you for giving me so much wonderful moments in BMT.

And making my BMT story a memorable one.

I'll forever treasure those times.

Love you Bro.

<3

It's also been a wonderful year for music.

Me indulging into indie music and wandering into the likes of BANKS, Halsey & Broods. NO REGRETS!!!
Tori Kelly's amazing debut album 'Unbreakable Smile'.
Newcomers Alessia Cara & Kehlani.
Demi Lovato's 'Confident', Selena Gomez's 'Revival' and Justin Bieber's 'Purpose' had songs that impacted me in special ways when I needed it.
JoJo's long-awaited comeback with her Tringles & #LOVEJO2. 
SO. GOOD.
YALL have no idea how long I've been waiting for new music from her. <3
Adele's surprise return with '25' that blew UP.
My boy Troye Sivan's return with EP 'WILD' and debut 'BLUE NEIGHBOURHOOD'.
*Squeaaaaaals* IT"S SO GOOD IT WAS THE THEME FOR MY LOSS.
Hahaha.
Seriously, the list goes on and on.
My love for music is endless.
And it will continue to grow.
!!!

I'm ready to leave the past in the past.
I'm gonna work harder for 2016.
Do more shoots.
More covers.
More mixtapes.
Possible even original videos & content.
I'm so excited.

To all my faithful readers.
Thank you for riding this journey with me.

Happy New Year!

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Troye Sivan - Suburbia

[Verse 1:]
The sun sets longer
Where I am from
Where dreams go to die
While having fun
The boys fix their cars and
Girls eat it up
Loving's so good when
Love is young

[Pre-Chorus:]
Yeah, there's so much history in these streets
And mama's good eats
And Wonder on repeat
There's so much history in my head
The people I've left
The ones that I've kept

[Chorus:]
Have you heard me on the radio?
Did you turn it up?
On your blown-out stereo
In suburbia
Could be playing hide and seek from home
Can't replace my blood
Yeah, it seems I'm never letting go
Of suburbia

[Verse 2:]
Swallow nostalgia
Chase it with lime
Better than dwelling
And chasing time
Missing occasions
I can't rewind
Can't help but feel I've lost what's mine

[Pre-Chorus:]
Yeah, there's so much history in these streets
And mama's good eats
And Wonder on repeat
There's so much history in my head
The people I've left
The ones that I've kept

[Chorus:]
Have you heard me on the radio?
Did you turn it up?
On your blown-out stereo
In suburbia
Could be playing hide and seek from home
Can't replace my blood
Yeah, it seems I'm never letting go
Of suburbia

[Bridge:]
They all say that nothing ever changes
Through the new lines that are on their faces
They all say that nothing ever changes
Through the new lines that are on their faces

[Pre-Chorus:]
Yeah, there's so much history in these streets
And mama's good eats
And Wonder on repeat
There's so much history in my head
The people I've left
The ones that I've kept

[Chorus:]
Have you heard me on the radio?
Did you turn it up?
On your blown-out stereo
In suburbia
Could be playing hide and seek from home
Can't replace my blood
Yeah, it seems I'm never letting go
Of suburbia

Je Te Pardonne

Page 463

Thank you.
For loving me.
For breaking me.

Thank you for letting me go.
For letting me experience things I never thought I would.
For letting me know my true worth.
For letting me become the person I am today.
The person I'm supposed to be.
Everything happens for a reason.
And I believe life just falls perfectly into unexpected ways.

I'm happy with where I am now.
Grateful for a lot of things.
The people in my circle.
The people who love me.
I'm appreciating life more now.

Being with you.. Taught me a lot.
I guess I was living in my own world for too long.
When reality snapped, I just could not accept it.
But now, I can.

The year is ending soon.
Thank you for making my year memorable.
Now, it's time for me to move on.
I forgive you.
But I'll..
...
Never forget.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Maitre Gims Ft Sia - Je Te Pardonne

[Verse 1 - Maître Gims:]
Tu m'as demandé pardon, j't'ai repoussé (repoussé)
J'voulais qu'tu comprennes que je souffrais (je souffrais)
Mais t'as laissé ton odeur sur les draps (sur les draps)
J'donnerai tout pour être dans tes bras (dans tes bras)

[Pre-Chorus - Maître Gims:]
Et j'ai tenté d'te haïr mais la colère est partie
Les bons souvenirs l'emportent sur la haine et la rancœur

[Chorus - Sia:]
I forgive you, you know not what you have done
Ohh I, I forgive you, now it's time for me to move on
Ohh I, I forgive you, you did not see right from wrong
Ohh I, and I love you, always in my heart you'll live on
You'll live on
You'll live on

[Verse 2 - Maître Gims:]
On se croise sans se lancer un regard (un regard)
Je n'sais quoi dire quand on m'fait la remarque (la remarque)
Notre entourage tente de nous raisonner (raisonner)
Je pense qu'il est temps de se retrouver (retrouver)

[Pre-Chorus - Maître Gims:]
Et j'ai tenté d'te haïr mais la colère est partie
Les bons souvenirs l'emportent sur la haine et la rancœur

[Chorus - Sia:]
I forgive you, you know not what you have done
Ohh I, I forgive you, now it's time for me to move on
Ohh I, I forgive you, you did not see right from wrong
Ohh I, and I love you, always in my heart you'll live on
You'll live on
You'll live on

Medicine

Page 462

Laying in bed on this rainy night.

Listening to this dark moody song.

It takes me to another place.

Lost in my thoughts.

So many things I should've done.

So many questions left unanswered.

Mysteries left unsolved.

Maybe it's better off that way.

I can't compete with this feeling.

I need someone to catch me as I fall into this endless hole.

Someone to assure me that it will be alright.

Someone to be my medicine.

And cure the poison in me.

Love, Eran.

I'll never be free.

Current Song Mood: Broods - Medicine

Take me to the other side
Cause my hands are as cold as ice
Leave a heart-shaped hole in my chest
As the thoughts of you leave my head

Oh and it's the only way
It's the, it's the only way
Oh it's the only way
It's the, it's the only way
Oh it's the only way
It's the, it's the only way
Out

And you're my storm
I can't compete
And I'm forlorn
I'm moving only on your breeze
And I-I-I-I-I-I-I'll never be free
And I-I-I-I-I-I-I'll never be free

When I've got nothing left to lose
I wonder what I'll find
Without the simple sigh of you
To give me peace in mind

But you're my storm
I can't compete
And I'm forlorn
I'm moving only on your breeze
And I-I-I-I-I-I-I'll never be free
And I-I-I-I-I-I-I'll never be free

My Everything

Page 461

5 months since you left.

I've been reminiscing a lot lately.

Since this was the exact period where everything started.

The past year.. Has been very memorable.

The good moments.

And the bad that outweighed them.

I've been looking through photos.

Past conversations.

Deleted everything I could that reminded me of you.

The sweet ones.

The sour ones.

So bittersweet.

It's time for me to move on.

I've finally gathered enough courage to.

I've cried enough tears.

Held enough pain.

Loved enough.

You were once my everything.

But I'm glad now, you're just nothing.

As the new year approaches..

I'm gonna start afresh.

I want to be the person that I was before.

And I believe.. he's still there.

I believe.

Love, Eran

Current Song Mood: Ariana Grande - My Everything

I cried enough tears to see my own reflection in them
And then it was clear
I can't deny, I really miss him

To think that I was wrong
I guess you don't know what you got 'til it's gone
Pain is just a consequence of love
I'm sayin' sorry for the sake of us

He wasn't my everything 'til we were nothing
And it's taking me a lot to say
But now that he's gone, my heart is missing something
So it's time I push my pride away
'Cause you are
You are
You are my everything
You are
You are
You are my everything

I know you're not far but I still can't handle all the distance
You're travelling with my heart
I hope this is a temporary feeling
'Cause it's too much to bear
Without you and I know sorry ain't the cure
If I cross your mind just know I'm yours
'Cause what we got is worth fighting for
'Cause you are...

You weren't my everything 'til we were nothing
And it's taking me a lot to say
Now that you're gone, my heart is missing something
So it's time I push my pride away

You are, you are, you are my everything
You are, you are, you are my everything

You are, you are, you are
You are, you are, you are my everything

Sleep Baby Sleep

Page 460

I looked into those troubled eyes.

I got lost in the long storytelling.

And I thought of my own life.

I took this moment to witness.

To realize.

How lucky I was.

Funny how.. 

Every encounter is like.. a lesson for me.

To learn from.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Today was an interesting day.

I met up with a depressed individual.

Funny how I offered to lend a shoulder, when I have plenty on my plate.

Still, I followed my instincts, and went for it.

I have to admit, it was uncomfortable at first.

I wasn't even sure if I knew what I was doing.

I knew how it felt.

To be alone. To have nobody to talk to.

To keep your problems to yourself.

And feel it accumulate like a collapsing mountain.

I know.

But at the end of the day, I'm just glad that my company helped a lot.

Suicide shouldn't even be an option.

If you know someone is troubled, just go ahead and give a listening ear. 

Show you care.

You'd never know.. you might be the one preventing them from doing something stupid.

Whoever you are.

I hope you'll be okay.

And I hope after today, you'll have an easier time to Sleep.

Love, Eran.

Because after today, you won't be seeing me anymore.

Current Song Mood: Broods - Sleep Baby Sleep

[Hook]
Sleep baby sleep
What are you waiting for?
The morning's on its way
You know it's only just a dream
Oh sleep baby sleep
I lie next to you
The beauty of this mess is that it brings me close to you

[Verse 1]
I could be the one to give you all I am
With a gentle touch and a foolish love
You could be the one to carry all my troubles away
With the words you say, all I need to hear so

[Hook]

[Verse 2]
Ignorance is torture but your love is right
Tip to tip a gentleman of the night
Feed my fascination a way our skin likes silk
And I'm still filled with wonder you could fool me easily so

[Hook]

[Bridge]
So lay here and press up next to me
Cause we'll be alright, we'll be alright
But when we leave I know it's hard
Cause it's all we know but we'll be alright, we'll be alright, right

[Hook]

Never Gonna Change

Page 459

Things were so different this time last year.

I came across forgotten notes that I wrote about the first time I met... you.

It took me back.

Reading all of it just makes me wonder.

Was it all real?

That moment, when you took me in your arms.

That moment when we were just full of love.

How our hands fitted perfectly together.

Breathing love. Making love.

I felt like you were the one.

Was it all just a dream?

Right now it felt like it was.

Well, it's never gonna change.

Love, Eran.

Cant help feeling like I'm part of the blame.

Current Song Mood: Broods - Never Gonna Change

You’re pushing down on my shoulders
And emptying my lungs
An in a moment I'm older
In a moment, you've won
And you escape me
Like it's nothing
Like words I never should have said
And the stress comes to the surface
But all of the heroes are dead

And I hate that I can't say your name
Without feeling like I'm part of the blame
And it's never gonna feel quite the same
But it's never gonna change
And I hate that I'm always so young
Had me feeling like you were the one
And it's never gonna feel like it's done
'Cause it's never gonna change
Never gonna change
Never gonna change
Never gonna change

While I dance here softly
You're next to me again
But we're still tugging on each other
And tearing up the fraying loose ends

And I hate that I can't say your name
Without feeling like I'm part of the blame
And it's never gonna feel quite the same
But it's never gonna change
And I hate that I'm always so young
Had me feeling like you were the one
And it's never gonna feel like it's done
'Cause it's never gonna change
Never gonna change
Never gonna change
Never gonna change

And I hate that I can't say your name
Without feeling like I'm part of the blame
And it's never gonna feel quite the same
But it's never gonna change
And I hate that I'm always so young
Had me feeling like you were the one
And it's never feel gonna like it's done
'Cause it's never gonna change
Never gonna change
Never gonna change
Never gonna change
'Cause it's never gonna change
Never gonna change
Never gonna change
Never gonna change

Winter

Page 458

As I read each word, memories flashed in my head.

There was this sinking feeling I had.

Those moments that felt just like yesterday.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

It's Christmas.

I wish Singapore could experience Winter.

It's my most favourite season.

And also my favourite time of the year.

Where everything is cold, and covered in white snow or ice.

And everyone seems to be in high spirits, celebrating.

I've been.. looking back at past conversations lately.

I don't know why I even bother keeping them.

I don't know if I even feel anything now.

After all this time..

It was in this same period where everything happened.

How things have changed since.

Now...

I only feel the winter cold.

Love, Eran.

Ps. I'd be happy to put happy christmas songs but this one.. 
It just feels right. 

Current Song Mood: Daughter - Winter

Drifting apart like two sheets of ice, my love
Frozen hearts growing colder with time
There's no heat from our mouths
Please take me back to my refuge

And we were in flames, I needed, I needed you
To run through my veins, like disease, disease
And now we are strange, strangers

It's different now
Gray-faced
Eyes burnt out
Flames are gone
Gloves are on
I have a feeling
Love's gone mad

We're too similar
Losing our minds
With cabin fever,
Shut in confined spaces
Lost in the dark,
My heart taken and resting on your heart

And we were in flames, I needed, I needed you
To run through my veins, like disease, disease
And now we are strange, strangers

Wait for me to degrade before
You go
Killing prey for
Waste of
Daylight
Speaks when
Slumber's keeping
Under the bed
Out of revenge
I'm derailing
My youth has stained our sheets
With some piece of me
With some piece of me

Oh, winter comes
Oh, winter crush all of the things that I once loved

Winter come
Winter crush all of the things that I once had

Sober

Page 457

The cool breeze hit against my soft skin.

As the streets passed by in a flash.

I jogged around the dark neighbourhood.

Enjoying the night air.

Trying to ignore..

The thoughts that kept taking over.

------------------------------------------------------------

It's bad. 

It's wrong.

I know I shouldn't be feeling that way when you said that.

But I did.

And I wonder if i'm getting desperate.

There's a line drawn that I shouldn't cross.

I need to do something to get my life straight.

I need to be more sober.

Love, Eran.

I miss you but you don't know how to love me when you're sober.

Current Song Mood#1: Broods - Sober

I am sober
Lying in my bed
Recreating you inside my head
You speak softly
Resonating in my subconscious
Where did we begin

Just one break in the year
When it's all about the two of us
And nothing's ever been so good
You remember a life
That was all about the two of us
But you and I, we never knew

[Chorus:]
It was the greatest place I've ever been
And it was right in front of me 
You carried me back home again
Where you became it all for me
[x2]

Still and silent
One gets used to it
Being idle
But not you and me

Just one break in the week
We sit down as just the two of us
And think about the life we know
Oh the promise we made
It will always be the two of us
The dream of being in control

[Chorus x2]

Ohh
Where you became it all for me
[x6]

Current Song Mood#2: Selena Gomez - Sober

We fall for each other at the wrong time
Only for a moment, but I don't mind
Guess I don't know where to draw the line, the line, the line
And we'll play the same game every night

Up in the clouds
Yeah, you know how to make me want you
When we come down
Oh I know, yeah I know, it's over

You don't know how to love me when you're sober
When the bottle's done you pull me closer
And you're saying all the things that you're supposed to
But you don't know how to love me when you're sober

Why is it so different when we wake up?
Same lips, same kiss, but not the same touch
Don't you know that you do it just enough, but not enough
But I know what's next, and I want so much

Up in the clouds
Yeah, you know how to make me want you
When we come down
Oh I know, yeah I know, it's over

You don't know how to love me when you're sober
When the bottle's done you pull me closer
And you're saying all the things that you're supposed to
But you don't know how to love me when you're sober

I know I should leave, I know I should, should, should
But your love's too good, your love's too good, good, good
I know I should leave, I know I should, should, should
But your love's too good, your love's too good, good, good
Yeah!

You don't know how to love me when you're sober
When the bottle's done you pull me closer
And you're saying all the things that you're supposed to
But you don't know how to love me when you're sober

You've got a hold on me
You're like a wasted dream
I gave you everything
But you don't know how to love me when you're sober

Hell Nos And Headphones

Page 456

Ahh the new camp.

I have so much things to say about where I am right now.

And it's so negative y'all probably won't wanna hear it hahaha.

Gosh I'm really missing rec life at this point.

I miss everyone.

The jokes we had.

The times I can just burst out laughing my heart out.

The closeness and bromances we had.

The stupid memorable stuffs we did.

My Bolonggongs.

And my Buddy. <3

I miss everything.

Things are so different now.

And I know it's still so early to say.

But I guess I need more time.

For now I'll stick with Hell Nos And Headphones.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Hailee Steinfield - Hell Nos And Headphones

Seems like everybody here
Is speaking different languages 
With that green prescription file
Blowing up their faces 

And they all look me up and down like I'm the fucking new kid
But I saw the sun rise on this town way before you did
And they're all skiing in the powder room
Making love to Jack and Jameson 
But I'll stick with hell no's and headphones

Cause all of my friends are leaving soon
To find them, themselves another round
But I'll be here in this stranger's room
Just for now (just for now)
Yeah, I'll stick with hell no's and headphones
Don't want another drink
I just, just wanna be alone
No, I don't care 'bout what you think
I'm going home
Yeah, I'll stick with hell no's and headphones

Twenty-seven blocks ago
I didn't even say goodbye
People blowin' up my phone
Askin' me if I'm alright

And they're sending pictures, kissing on each other, like wasted
And on top on that, they're sending videos of them naked
But you know I don't judge what's on your tongue
Yeah, I know you're having fun 
But I'll stick with hell no's and headphones

Cause all of my friends are leaving soon
To find them, themselves another round
But I'll be here in this stranger's room
Just for now (just for now)
Yeah, I'll stick with hell no's and headphones
Don't want another drink
I just, just wanna be alone
No, I don't care 'bout what you think
I'm going home
Yeah, I'll stick with hell no's and headphones

(Hell no's and headphones)
Hell no's and headphones

Cause all of my friends are leaving soon
To find them, themselves another round
But I'll be here in this stranger's room
Just for now 
Yeah, I'll stick with hell no's and headphones
Don't want another drink
I just, just wanna be alone (I just wanna be alone)
No, I don't care 'bout what you think
I'm going home (home, home)
Yeah, I'll stick with hell no's and headphones

Fight Song

Page 455

It's the start of a new journey.

All the best to my fellow mates in their different vocations. 

Do your best. 

We'll reunite someday.

I'm still sore that I can't join most of you in command school.

But its okay.

We all have our own different specialties.

:)

This goes out specially to my Bolonggongs.

(I know, weird name xD)

Make me proud. Be the best commanders out there. Change the game. Never forget our roots. Don't let the ranks get to your heads. Instead, let your personalities shine. Be humble & down to earth. Let people look up to you, like we looked up to ours. I'll always support you guys. Believe. <3

Let's fight on.

Love, Eran.

Together, We can excel.

Current Song Mood: Rachel Platten - Fight Song

Like a small boat
On the ocean
Sending big waves
Into motion
Like how a single word
Can make a heart open
I might only have one match
But I can make an explosion

And all those things I didn't say
Wrecking balls inside my brain
I will scream them loud tonight
Can you hear my voice this time?

This is my fight song
Take back my life song
Prove I'm alright song
My power's turned on
Starting right now I'll be strong
I'll play my fight song
And I don't really care if nobody else believes
'Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me

Losing friends and I'm chasing sleep
Everybody's worried about me
In too deep
Say I'm in too deep (in too deep)
And it's been two years
I miss my home
But there's a fire burning in my bones
Still believe
Yeah, I still believe

And all those things I didn't say
Wrecking balls inside my brain
I will scream them loud tonight
Can you hear my voice this time?

This is my fight song
Take back my life song
Prove I'm alright song
My power's turned on
Starting right now I'll be strong
I'll play my fight song
And I don't really care if nobody else believes
'Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me

A lot of fight left in me

Like a small boat
On the ocean
Sending big waves
Into motion
Like how a single word
Can make a heart open
I might only have one match
But I can make an explosion

This is my fight song (Hey!)
Take back my life song (Hey!)
Prove I'm alright song (Hey!)
My power's turned on
Starting right now I'll be strong (I'll be strong)
I'll play my fight song
And I don't really care if nobody else believes
'Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me

No I've still got a lot of fight left in me

Stitches

Page 454

I’ve been letting a lot of people go this week.

There's been so much negative energy faced, it's so scary.

I really don't want this to continue.

I've gotta change my mindset.

Think positive man.

You can do it.

It's come to a point where I'll no longer hold anyone back.

If you wanna go, just go.

It's that time where I'm starting to reflect about the past year and everything that I've been through.

Been looking through pictures.. messages.

How far I've come..

I won't disappoint myself any further.

Through all these scars & stitches,

I'll pull through.

Love, Eran.

Ps, Happy Birthday JoJo. <3

Current Song Mood: Shawn Mendes - Stitches

I thought that I'd been hurt before
But no one's ever left me quite this sore
Your words cut deeper than a knife
Now I need someone to breathe me back to life

Got a feeling that I'm going under
But I know that I'll make it out alive
If I quit calling you my lover
Move on

You watch me bleed until I can't breathe
Shaking, falling onto my knees
And now that I'm without your kisses
I'll be needing stitches
Tripping over myself
Aching, begging you to come help
And now that I'm without your kisses
I'll be needing stitches

Just like a moth drawn to a flame
Oh, you lured me in, I couldn't sense the pain
Your bitter heart cold to the touch
Now I'm gonna reap what I sow
I'm left seeing red on my own

Got a feeling that I'm going under
But I know that I'll make it out alive
If I quit calling you my lover
Move on

You watch me bleed until I can't breathe
Shaking, falling onto my knees
And now that I'm without your kisses
I'll be needing stitches
Tripping over myself,
Aching, begging you to come help
And now that I'm without your kisses
I'll be needing stitches

[x3:]
Needle and the thread,
Gotta get you out of my head
Needle and the thread,
Gonna wind up dead

Needle and the thread,
Gotta get you out of my head, get you out of my head

You watch me bleed until I can't breathe
Shaking, falling onto my knees (falling on my knees)
And now that I'm without your kisses
I'll be needing stitches (and I'll be needing stitches)
Tripping over myself,
Aching, begging you to come help (begging, "Baby, please.")
And now that I'm without your kisses
I'll be needing stitches

(And now that)
I'm without your kisses
I'll be needing stitches
(And now that)
I'm without your kisses
I'll be needing stitches