Wednesday, July 29, 2015

Bedroom Wall

Page 370

My heart sank when I read your text.
Guess you beat me to it.
I was surprisingly calm.
I saw this coming.
Though I didnt expect it to be so soon.
I was prepared.
But I don't think I will be prepared to go through it.
You're sorry, I know.
But I'm sorry for not being good enough.
 I guess that's why you lost feelings in the first place.
I'll always love you.
Always.

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It's over.
It really is.

Today I felt like I woke up from an incredibly bad dream.

But it was very true. That reality sinked in. And I was a mess.

Last night.. just broke my heart. It broke me.

It was so cold.
So, so cold.
And I had to take out my green jacket and sleep with it. The scent of your room was on it. Your scent.

You're everywhere.
In the pictures in my phone laptop.
In the clothes that I wear.
In the places that I've visited.
In the air that I breathe.
In the sun that comes out every morning.

How can I easily let go of the person who's been such a huge part of my life?
I CANT.

I can't do this.
Oh God I cant.
I feel like I've just lost someone to death.
I feel like I'm going through an eternal grief.

My heart is in a million pieces.
My eyes are swollen.
God knows how many times I've cried since last night.
And I'll probably will be for the longest time.

I can't.
Oh God please give me the strength to go through this.
I'm too weak on my own.
Too weak to handle this.
Too weak.

How can someone lose their feelings so easily.
How can everything just suddenly die?
Haven't I given my all?
 Been faithful. Been loving. Been caring all the time.
Showering love every single day.
But I guess you can't change that.
I guess you can't change feelings.
Though I've noticed it go downhill gradually.
If only I can turn back time.
If only you know how I TRULY feel.
It's more than words that I can express.
But I guess I saw this coming.
I'll respect this decision, no matter how much it kills me.
I don't have a choice.
...

Thank you for giving me the love that I've never experienced before.
You came at a time where I was most lost & confused with myself.
I've never been so committed to anyone before.
I've never given so much to anyone before.
Parts of myself I hold dearly.
Even when it got rough lots of times, and my friends advised me to let you go..
I could never do it.
I didnt have the heart to.
My love for you is strong and hasn't changed since day 1.. 
Remember that day? We just hung out and cuddled and had the best times of our lives in that rainy weather..
Oh how I miss that.
Fond on those memories.
I loved you so much. Love that I can never put into words. And I still do.
My dear, please don't ever forget me.
I'll always be here for you.

You're the biggest impact I've ever had in my life.
I loved you, and I will continue to. I'll always will.
Thank you, B.

You'll always have a special place in my fragile heart.

<3


Love, Eran.

I wish I could write in on your bedroom wall.
For the last time.

Current Song Mood: BANKS - Bedroom Wall

My arms are open for you look at me now
Baby if you want you got me
I know you're broken darling and I won't let you down
Baby I've been waiting for you

I know you like acting like you don't care
But I can be distant don't want to be distant anymore
Darling look at me standing here
This is my promise, cross my heart promise, this is all yours

See these feelings are outta control
Talk about losing losing all my shit for you
Cause I've been thinking about thinking about
Putting my body body body on top of you

You know how I see you, we should be one
Cause I already told you baby
Last time that I tried to sing you this song
Couldn't get the words out baby
My arms are open for you look at me now
Baby if you want you got me
I know you're broken darling I won't let you down
Cause baby I've been waiting for you

Do I have to write it on your bedroom wall, you fool? [x10]
Do I, do I, do I, do I, do I [x2]

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