The Crying Game

Page 371

Um. Wow.

Where do I start.

This is harder than I can ever imagine.

I didnt sleep well last night.

I was a total mess this morning.

Mum: 'I'm going now, make sure to do the dishes.'

Me: 'uh, okay…'

*door closes* 

and I walked passed the mirror.

I stared at the reflection, the expression changed. And the tears just started pouring.

I ran into the room. And I cried my heart out.

I was mad. I was sad. I was crazy.

I was sobbing hard. I was whimpering loud.

I cried and I cried and I cried. And it was the worst breakdown I've ever had.

It was non-stop. And when I finally did, I was so drained.

Emotionally drained.

But I felt a little better.

A little.

I was contemplating. Should I go to work? But I wasn't in any right state of mind to go.

It took a while. And I was this close to bailing on it. But I decided to. I needed to go out. And cooping myself at home wouldn't be the best solution. It'd have droven me nuts.

So I bathed. Changed. Took a deep breath. Collected & composed myself. And I went out.

It wasn't easy.

The long train ride.

Reaching work.

I had to make sure I took long deep breaths to ensure I was calm again.

There were times when I wanted to tear up. But I breathed and controlled myself.

Riri was working the same shift. And wow, I was so glad to see her.

I wanted to tell her everything. I wanted to break down and cry and have someone to comfort. But alas, things didnt go as planned.

I told her eventually at the end of the shift. And she gave me lots of encouragements plus her own personal experiences. Thanks babe. Talking to her definitely did make me feel much better.

I'm glad I went to work. I'm glad I interacted with people. It made me feel better. It took my mind off things. Though half of the time my mind still wanders...

I guess this is it.

There's nothing more to say.

What's done is done.

I can't do anything.

I've given everything.

The worst part was knowing that it was real at the start and then that love disappeared just like that.

The tears won't end.

I'm gonna need a lot of support this time.

Oh well. Back to square one.

I guess it's back to playing that game.

That sick game all over again.

The crying game.

Love, Eran.

I'd never thought I'd have to use this song. I wish I didnt have to.

Current Song Mood: Nicki Minaj - The Crying Game

[Verse 1 - Nicki Minaj:]
Here we go again, it's the game we love
Sheets all over the floor and they laced with drugs
You ain't play your cards right, you had the Ace of Clubs
Hit you with the Ace of Spades and your face is shrugged 
Blood drippin' out your arm on my Asian rugs
We was just planning a wedding, Caucasian doves 
You was just tellin' your mans, that you hate the clubs
Now we in the crying game, heart laced with slugs

[Bridge 1 - Nicki Minaj:]
Are you alone? Do you need someone?
Is it too late to talk? Did I wait too long?
Thousand words don't change a thing
Is it only three? Three words that you're missing?

[Pre-Chorus - Jessie Ware:]
Where did you go? Couldn't see
I was too busy
Could've just said no
Where would you go? I think I know

[Chorus - Jessie Ware:]
Who-o-o-o-o-o, who-o-o-o-o-o
We're back to playing 
We're back to playing 
Who-o-o-o-o-o, who-o-o-o-o-o
We're back to playing 
The crying game

[Post-Chorus x2 - Jessie Ware:]
I could've given everything
Don't wanna let the tears begin
We're back to playing 
The crying game

[Verse 2 - Nicki Minaj:]
Welcome to the crying game where you lose your soul
Where it ain't no easy pass, you got to use the toll
Ain't no cruise control, you 'bout to lose control
Ain't no smilin' faces here, we slammin' doors and dishes
Sayin' we don't miss each other, but it's all fictitious
Sayin' that we had enough, but enough of what?
Another slap to the face, another uppercut
I'm just abusive by nature, not cause I hate ya
Not cause I wanna get someone to imitate ya 
I know it's hard, I know I intimidate ya
But is you stayin' or goin'?
I couldn't breathe and you ain't even know it
How come you never show it?
All this love you speak of
All I want is to love and be loved
(To love and be loved)

[Bridge 2 - Nicki Minaj:]
I'm losin' a thing I thought I'd win
And I'm coming undone
Cause the tears don't end

[Pre-Chorus] 

[Chorus] 

[Post-Chorus x2]

[Outro - Jessie Ware:]
Who-o-o-o-o-o, who-o-o-o-o-o
Who-o-o-o-o-o, who-o-o-o-o-o