Change

Page 355

Well after yesterday's drama, I finally had the courage to confront you. It was a big leap of faith, and so risky. But I just had to. It was killing me slowly.

I'm glad you were frank with me. You had no idea how I felt. No idea.

I heaved a big sigh of relief. But there were still doubts of course. You should expect that.

It felt like a big nightmare. Even till now. When I was at work, I couldnt stop worrying tbh.

I had to check up on you. What you were doing. Made sure things were right.

I always knew there was something up somehow. I just knew it. Ever since our trip. All my life I trusted my feelings & instincts. And they always turn out right.

I just don't understand why there was a need to. If you're in a relationship, there's no reason for you to turn to social dating apps just to 'chat' and entertain yourself when you're 'bored.' It doesn't JUSTIFY your actions. And to meet a stranger in the dead of the night? Are you serious? If you were willing to do that I don't see why you won't be doing other stuff. Do you see where I'm going with this?  I don't know how long you've been doing this. And thinking about it drives me so crazy. You can say all you want to try to defend yourself but by doing that, you're telling me you're ego is more important than admitting that you were WRONG. Its just SO WRONG!

But you knew you were wrong eventually, and I guess I accept that apology. Even though it seemed half-hearted?? And you better keep word to your promises too. I'm taking them really seriously. With caution of course. I have every reason to be doubtful at this point.

Remember that time when you told me how you're sometimes scared of yourself. The kind of lies you can come up with. That you're capable of manipulating shit.

I'm trusting you with that in mind. You can't blame me right? I mean, you know yourself well.

Here I thought you were the one with big trust issues. Apparently, now I do too. Makes me doubt a lot of things lately. Because I have no idea what else you're doing behind my back.

If it was the other way around, I'm pretty sure things will get uglier. Yeah, I know you too well.

I'm not a fool. And you shouldn't treat me like one.

It's time to change, Baby. You need to change.

Love, Eran.

Am I not enough?

Current Song Mood: BANKS - Change

Always cold
While you'd self-incriminate
By avoiding all my questions
And calling me an instigator
Cut me down
Always calling me unstable
You so easily can make me cry
Just cause you are in a mood
And you'd say

Call me out
You would say I need attention
Just because I put on makeup
To ironically look good for you
Cut me to pieces
While you watched me disintegrate
Because you like to tell me how you hate
All the ways I'm not enough for you
Then you'd say

[Chorus:]
Baby don't go
I didn't know
I'll change I swear
I'll change I swear
Baby don't go
I'll make you wait
I promise I'll be better
All of these things they will change

Baby don't go
I didn't know
I'll change I swear
I'll change I swear
Baby don't go
I'll make you wait
I promise I'll be better
All of these things they will change

Never guilty
Say it ain't your fault
Because you had an emotionally abusive daddy
And cause of this you don't know how to act

Poor poor baby
Say you can't help the fact that you're so crazy
And you're so good at making me feel guilty
For trying to walk away
Because I'm tired of being mad
Then you'd say

[Chorus]