I Don't Belong To You

Page 565

A reminder to myself.

It's okay to be judged.

It's okay to be mocked.

It's okay to make mistakes.

It's all part & parcel of life.

Because all in all, its your life.

It's your story.

Its your choice.

Nobody is perfect.

Perfection doesn't exist.

I don't belong to you.

I don't belong to any of you.

Nobody can ever truly love you,

 except yourself.

Love, Eran.

Keepin' my head down.

Current Song Mood: Keke Palmer - I Don't Belong To You

I don't belong to you
Keep it on the down low
Keep it on the down low
I don't belong to you
Keep it on the down low
Keep it on the down low
I don't belong to you

Ain't no white house, ain't no picket fence
Baby you know we don't want the same things
While you're caught up in your feelings
I feel the same as I did yesterday
Baby we've been through this and I feel the same way
I know you don't wanna hear this, and I hate to say it, babe

I done told you, I done showed you
Now you wanna act like I tricked you
But I'm sleep, can't you see?
There's a difference between me, you and these sheets

I don't belong to you
Keep it on the down low
Keep it on the down low
I don't belong to you
Keep it on the down low
Keep it on the down low
I don't belong to you

Ain't no white house, ain't no picket fence
Baby you know we don't want the same things
While you're caught up in your feelings
I feel the same as I did yesterday
Baby we've been through this and I feel the same way
I know you don't wanna hear this, and I hate to say it, babe

Don't you act innocent, you own the part that you play
And I'm not interested in playing your childish games
No, no, no, no, I don't have to keep it real
But I do because I care 'bout how you feel

I don't belong to you
Keep it on the down low
Keep it on the down low
I don't belong to you
Keep it on the down low
Keep it on the down low
I don't belong to you

Ain't no white house, ain't no picket fence
Baby you know we don't want the same things
While you're caught up in your feelings
I feel the same as I did yesterday
Baby we've been through this and I feel the same way
I know you don't wanna hear this, and I hate to say it, babe

Don't take it all so personal
I just can't give you what you want
Don't think that you can just keep tryin' me
Boy I'll just leave you alone
I don't belong to you

I Hate U I Love U

Page 564

The Departure

Finally. We were going home.

We took the bus in the morning to the ferry terminal where we took the same 3-hr ferry ride back to the mainland.

It was such an amazing feeling.

Watched a couple of movies, then I decided to go to the deck for some fresh air.

Buddy was there with a couple of his friends.

So was HZ, who apparently, managed to pass the course.

'Guess he'll make it after all' I mentally said as I observed him, being quiet & distant.

The breeze was amazing.

The feels to go back, was so real.

We got to the mainland, boarded the tour buses, and got introduced to the tour guides, whom were (no offence) Pinoys.

And I was amused at how they managed to relate everything about Brunei, to their country.

Had no idea if I was touring Brunei or the Philippines. Lmao.

Visited the Water Village where we (those fasting) had to watch them.. eat. Lol.

Visited the museum where we completely wasted time.

Then visited the mall which had.. absolutely nothing interesting.

Damn, my seniors were right about this place.

Legit didnt bother getting anything haha.

Just wanted to get back home.

We went back to JAC where they had dinner, then we prepared to go to the airport.

Upon reaching, gathered the fasting gang to some hidden canteen corner we had our dinner.

(Legit so cool, like we were treated like VIPs)

We were sooo full haha, didnt know there was so much food.

Shortly after that, we gathered back with the rest and boarded the plane.

Damn, the feels. 

<3

Looking back, I had no idea how I survived those 3 weeks. Honestly. It's been exhausting. The danger was real. The environment was real. The experience, was real. 

I'll never forget it.

-----------------------------------------------------------

This superficial circle is getting too much.

I'm not gonna be waiting around on somebody that isn't even serious about me.

I've wasted enough time caring for people who don't care about me.

This year's all about self-love and I'm gonna put myself first.

Build myself up. Keep my circle of friends tight.

Because if I can't even do that for myself, then how am I gonna love others?

The only thing that I've gotten from this is nothing.

You're just stalling this relationship.

Whatever this is.

It's going nowhere, babe.

I hate u but I love u too.

And if you cant see that, then I'm sorry.

I'm. moving. on.

Love, Eran.

I'm always tired,

 but never of you.

Current Song Mood: Gnash - I Hate U I Love U

[Verse 1 - Olivia O'Brien:]
Feeling used
But I'm
Still missing you
And I can't
See the end of this
Just wanna feel your kiss
Against my lips
And now all this time
Is passing by
But I still can't seem to tell you why
It hurts me every time I see you
Realize how much I need you

[Hook - Olivia O'Brien:]
I hate you, I love you,
I hate that I love you
Don't want to but I can't put nobody else above you
I hate you, I love you,
I hate that I want you
You want her, you need her
And I'll never be her

[Verse 2 - Gnash:]
I miss you when I can't sleep
Or right after coffee
Or right when I can't eat
I miss you in my front seat
Still got sand in my sweaters
From nights we don't remember
Do you miss me like I miss you?
Fucked around and got attached to you
Friends can break your heart too,
And I'm always tired but never of you
If I pulled a you on you, you wouldn't like that shit
I put this reel out, but you wouldn't bite that shit
I type a text but then I never mind that shit
I got these feelings but you never mind that shit
Oh oh, keep it on the low
You're still in love with me but your friends don't know
If you wanted me you would just say so
And if I were you, I would never let me go
I don't mean no harm
I just miss you on my arm
Wedding bells were just alarms
Caution tape around my heart
You ever wonder what we could have been?
You said you wouldn't and you fucking did
Lie to me, lie with me, get your fucking fix
Now all my drinks and all my feelings are all fucking mixed
Always missing people that I shouldn't be missing
Sometimes you gotta burn some bridges just to create some distance
I know that I control my thoughts and I should stop reminiscing
But I learned from my dad that it's good to have feelings
When love and trust are gone
I guess this is moving on
Everyone I do right does me wrong
So every lonely night I sing this song

[Hook - Olivia O'Brien and Gnash:]
I hate you, I love you,
I hate that I love you
Don't want to but I can't put nobody else above you
I hate you, I love you,
I hate that I want you
You want her, you need her
And I'll never be her

[Bridge - Olivia O' Brien and Gnash:]
All alone I watch you watch her
Like she's the only girl you've ever seen
You don't care you never did
You don't give a damn about me
Yeah all alone I watch you watch her
She is the only thing you ever see
How is it you never notice
That you are slowly killing me

[Hook - Olivia O'Brien:]
I hate you, I love you,
I hate that I love you
Don't want to but I can't put nobody else above you
I hate you I love you
I hate that I want you
You want her, you need her
And I'll never be her

Relax

Page 563

The Last Cover

Our last cover. Finally.

I unexpectedly had to trek this time.

While I was fasting.

By right, my cover was suppose to end early.

But LFT R chose me over a certain somebody who was always getting on his nerves.

HAHAHA.

Went to OAK (one of the checkpoints) instead, with another Cadre, and a signaller.

This Cadre dude was really funny.

But I was also questioning his professionalism at time.

Turns out it was his first JCC batch.

I was pretty shocked.

We trekked in, through some messed up route. Thorns on the ground, barely could walk through the thick grass.

Almost fell a couple of times, but I didnt. There were certain slippery parts too.

Eventually we got to our spot, and camped there.

By then I was sweating and thirsty. But not as bad as Coldfeet (which I got super drenched).

I sat down, read the newspaper, talked cock, had interesting life-pondering discussions, watched some shows, while waiting for each details to come.

We couldnt leave till the last detail did.

And apparently, the last detail was lost/late.

And guess who was in it? Buddy. Lol.

I got worried for a while.

Wondering where they went.

Did they really get lost?

They were taking far too long...

Hours passed and then, we heard them.

I heard him.

Shouted his name and he responded.

Phew. Buddy came in with the rest, and we chatted for a while before he left again.

We finally could leave this damn place.

The trip back wasnt that bad. Guess it was because I was so desperate to finish this.

Once we got outside, we headed to a small shed by the river.

Waited in the heat for our transport to come.

I admired the big mansions nearby, and the wonderful scenery.

It was.. peaceful. It's only the weather that was terrible haha.

When I finally got back to camp, washed up and had my well-deserved rest.

It was time to relax.

Buddy came by. Sat in my bed for a while.

We chatted for a bit haha.

And he found the gift I left for him during his birthday (he was out for JCC by then).

'Thanks for coming to Brunei with me. And saving my life.'

'You're welcome. It was... a good experience. But once and never again please HAHAHAA'

And we both agreed to that.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm tired of people wasting my time.

Sometimes I feel like I should just leave.

Unannounced.

Delete everything.

And just.. disappear.

Maybe going back isn't such a bad idea after all.

Relax Syah.

It'll get better soon.

Love, Eran.

Relax all the way.

Current Song Mood: JoJo - Relax

[Verse 1]

Look at me, look at me

Tell me you feel it

In love with the energy

And I gotta move on it down

I'm your amphetamine

Your mind is racing

If you crash into me

I'ma be taking you down

[Pre-Chorus]

You want it, you got it, I'll put it together

Say I'm the best but I keep getting better

This is a night you'll remember forever

This is a night you'll remember

[Chorus]
Relax all the way
When you want it, go to it
Relax all the way
When you want it, when you want it
Relax all the way
When you want it, go to it
Relax all the way
When you wanna go

[Post-Chorus]
Woah, when you wanna go
Woah, when you wanna go
Woah, when you wanna go
Woah, when you wanna go
Go, go, go, go, go...

[Verse 2]
Follow me, follow me
Over and over
Body monopoly
I know you're racing to go
Moving my property
I'll be the closer
Don't it feel good to be
Totally outta control

[Pre-Chorus]
You want it, you got it, I'll put it together
Say I'm the best but I keep getting better
This is a night you'll remember forever
This is a night you'll remember

[Chorus]
Relax all the way
When you want it, go to it
Relax all the way
When you want it, when you want it
Relax all the way
When you want it, go to it
Relax all the way
When you wanna go

[Post-Chorus]
Woah, when you wanna go
Woah, when you wanna go
Woah, when you wanna go
Woah, when you wanna go

[Outro]
You want it, you got it, I'll put it together
Say I'm the best but I keep getting better
I'll be on top of you as soon as I get you alone
Wait 'til I get you alone

In My Blood

Page 562

The Feast

A feast by the officers.

'BARBECUE TIME!!!!'

We had all just returned from our last boat covers.

I was recovering well from my fever, though it did spike up a couple of times.

And now, everyone's celebrating.

We were all in a light mood.

While the cadets were in the forest on their last night of JCC, here we were, eating away on all these good food.

Chicken Satay, Chicken Breast, Mutton, Prawn.

Me, P and Ziq stood by the side, eating away on all the food, chatting happily as they served us.

I swear I'm glad we skipped dinner before that.

Portions after portions, they kept serving us non-stop.

The Sgt Maj was there, and he smiled at me, asking me about how our schedule was.

One of the officers, teased P, and kept offering him more food.

'Eh no. Sir. PLEASE! Omg...' he funnily whined as more meat was placed on his plate.

I was just about to put away my plate, when one of them came to me too.

'NAH' he placed more chicken on my plate, with a poker face expression.

I was speechless. LOL.

'UHH. WAIT. WHAT?!'

I was pretty full at that time and, no choice, had to finish most of it.

I quickly put the plates away before he could give anymore.

'EH where's your plate???'

'NO MOREEEEEE.' I blatantly said.

Pretty sure my stomach could've burst that night.

We went to bed feeling sick and full.

And guess what was for sahur the next day???

BBQ Chicken.

For the first time in history, I finally got sick of chicken.

--------------------------------------------------------------

Good meet up with my Balonggongs <3

REUNITED AT LAST.

WE HAVENT MET UP AS A GROUP SINCE BMT.

Had to break fast at Just Acia, then headed to play some Xbox Games.

So fuuuun.

Love them to bits even though Buddy was as annoying as ever.

Hahaha.

Love you guys :)

And thanks Mel for the compliment on my blog! HAHA.

Glad that people notice how I try to write my posts & relate them to the songs I'm currently listening to.

The need to express myself is always there.

It's in my blood.

Actually, I've been pretty down the whole day.

Plus all the shit that happened during my duty last night got me so drained.

Needed this meet-up & de-stress.

Spending time with others to get my mind off of things.

And getting killed during shooting games LOL.

Never be in the same team as me ok (legit, don't).

Till next time.

x

Love, Eran.

I guess I'll have keep it quiet. For now.

Current Song Mood: The Veronicas - In My Blood

When I look into your eyes
I wanna breathe you in to get me high
Crawl into this space inside your mind
Just leave me there, leave me there
Now you got me wanting more
I felt religion with you on the floor
The holy word that I've been waiting for
Baby stay with me, stay with me

We don't have to wait all night
To know if this is really love
We don't have to wait all night
Cause I can feel you in my blood

In my blood
In my blood

I just want us to unite
Feel the needle on my fourty-five
Live like we are running out of time
Just take me there, take me there
Grind you down into my bones
You're the magic dust that gets me stoned
You're the hallelujah on my throne
Baby stay with me, stay with me

We don't have to wait all night
To know if this is really love
We don't have to wait all night
Cause I can feel you in my blood

In my blood
In my blood

I don't wanna come down (I don't wanna come down)
I don't wanna come down (I don't wanna come down)

We don't have to wait all night
To know if this is really love
We don't have to wait all night
Cause I can feel you in my blood

In my blood
In my blood
In my blood
In my blood

I Dont Care // Touch It

Page 561

The Boy

I sat at the corner of the container.

Like a typical Malay.

He glanced over a couple of times. 

Occasionally smiling. 

"Make yourself at home. There's drinks in the fridge."

"Thanks!"

I dozed off a couple of times.

Was it me or was it extra cold in here? 

I mean, this place was known to be damn cold, but here I am, shivering.

Moments later, I woke up feeling weak. My battery was drained.

'Hey, can I charge my phone here?'

'Yeah sure man!'

I sat down beside him.

We started talking and clicked instantly.

'You how old sia! Hahaha.' he smiled widely.

'Haha, 21. I know, I look young right?'

'Yea sia, like a few years younger than that.'

He was so friendly. Flashing that warm smile everytime.

We started getting to know each other from there, laughing, enjoying each other's company, as the others in the container awkwardly sat there and used their phones. We were the only ones conversing.

By dinnertime,

I started feeling weird.

My body temperature was rising.

Uh oh.

After dinner, I went to take my temperature. It beeped.

... 38.8

Damn. 

Popped some pills. And then I sat outside. Because it was really too cold.

Decided, to spam water all the way. Was feeling quite horrible. But being outside helped.

Guess that's the perk of being a medic. You know how to take care of yourself.

Nightfall came, and I still wanted to stay outside.

By then I managed to sweat it off, and my temperature went down.

'Hey, you ok? Drink lots of water alright?' he told me.

I assured him I was fine, showing my water canteen.

That night, I peed at least 10x. Legit hahaha.

The next morning.

I felt much better.

He woke me up. 

It was the first day of fasting.

I got out, and was surprised to see a couple of Muslim guys there.

The day before, they were telling us that they couldnt send any ration at 3am as it was too early.

But alhamdulillah, the Driver Encik was kind enough to go all the way here to send us ration.

Bless him.

Had our sahur, while the Encik said;

'If your old folks see you guys right now, they will probably cry.'

He was probably right.

We thanked him when he left.

We chatted for a while, and I felt so.. grateful. For everything.

For this experience.

For being here.

I'm glad I met him. Someone that.. I'm proud to be acquaintance with. For once, not in that way. He was someone that I could look up to. So genuinely nice & friendly.. and just full of positive energy. It inspired me, to want to improve myself, and be as likeable as him.

I left the area the next day, hoping we would keep in contact. Maybe one day, we'll meet again.

See you again, A.

--------------------------------------------------------

I dont understand you.

Are you uncomfortable?

Then why did you ask me in the first place.

You're confusing.

Just as confused as my feelings.

Maybe I just want you to express yourself.

But at this rate.

I don't care anymore.

Thinking about last night, and what it all meant.

Still in awe of how I easily I got comfortable with a stranger.

Someone that I don't even know well, yet I learnt so much of in that short amount of time.

We had the same interests, the same taste in music, even the same birthday.

Damn.

I want you to touch it.

Love, Eran.

We both know what we want.

Current Song Mood #1: Ariana Grande - I Don't Care

Used to cry 'bout some crazy shit before
I used to feel so obligated to be so much more
I used to let some people tell me how to live and what to be
But if I can't be me, then what's the point? No...

I don't care about it anymore, oh
I don't care about it anymore

Now I laugh about the things that used to be important to me
Used to have a hold on me, used to have a hold on me
Like what do you think
And what he thinks and what they think
But I love me

I don't care about it anymore, oh
I don't care about it anymore

Yeah
I-I-I don't care about it anymore
I-I-I don't care about it anymore

Current Song Mood#2: Ariana Grande - Touch It

[Verse 1:]
How do I make the phone ring?
Why do I even care?
How are you all around me when you're not really there?
When you're not really there
How do I feel you on me when you're not on my skin?
Why do you say you want me then tell me "I'm not coming in"
Baby, just come on in

[Chorus:]
'Cause every time I'm with you, I go into a zone
And I remember all the places you wanna go
Take me all the way
Ain't nobody gonna touch it, touch it, touch it
'Cause every time I see you, I don't wanna behave
I'm tired of being patient so let's pick up the pace
Take me all the way
Ain't nobody gonna touch it, touch it, touch it

[Verse 2:]
How do you know I'm breathing when I'm holding my breath?
Why don't we face the danger just for the night and forget?
Baby, let's just forget
Remind me why we're taking a break
It's obviously insane
'Cause we both know what we want
So why don't we fall in love?
Baby, let's fall in love

[Chorus:]
'Cause every time I'm with you, I go into a zone
And I remember all the places you wanna go
Take me all the way
Ain't nobody gonna touch it, touch it, touch it
'Cause every time I see you, I don't wanna behave
I'm tired of being patient so let's pick up the pace
Take me all the way
Ain't nobody gonna touch it, touch it, touch it
Ain't nobody gonna touch it, touch it, touch it
Baby ain't nobody gonna touch it, touch it, touch it
Baby ain't nobody gonna touch it, touch it, touch it
Ain't nobody gonna touch it

[Bridge:]
Remind me why we're taking a break
It's obviously insane
'Cause we both know what we want
So why don't we fall in love?
Baby, let's be in love

[Chorus:]
'Cause every time I'm with you, I go into my zone
And I'll remember all the places you wanna go
Take me on a ride
Ain't nobody gonna touch it, touch it, touch it
'Cause every time I see you, I don't wanna behave
I'm tired of being patient so let's pick up the pace
Take me on a ride
Ain't nobody gonna touch it, touch it, touch it

Knew Better // Forever Boy

Page 560

The Nightmare

It was the second day of Coldfeet.

A shadow of a giant spider crawled up my shelter.

I quickly hit it - it fell to the ground.

And magically disappeared.

I freaked out.

'WHERE DID IT GO?'

What's up with me and giant spiders omg.

My officers were talking to each other about.. what happened last night.

'Eh you know, I thought I saw you walking sia last night.

Then I look at you, you were sleeping sia! I quickly ignored and watched my show.'

he said.

I froze.

WHAT.

I quickly stuck my head out from under my shelter.

'You saw what???'

'Syah scared ah??' he smirked at me.

'No....' ._. I lied.

Then I recalled.

Last night, I had a nightmare. I remembered dreaming weird dreams. About my family members. About someone getting possessed. Scary images. Weird demonic voices in my head. I had woken up from that, and realised I was sleeping on my left side. Like my Mum's said before, it's bad to sleep on your left side. More prone to the supernatural. I quickly changed position. And slept better.

The Last Night

The 3rd, last day, at last!!!

I had no idea how I endured these treacherous few days.

I realised that it was... a Thursday Night.

GREAT.

Just great.

I could sense. As the day started getting darker. The shadows creeping in the forest.

That tonight... something was gonna happen.

I could feel it.

'Could it be.. some sort of like a grand finale? God help me through this.' I whispered.

That night, I could not sleep.

I had my ear plugs on. Pretty sure I played my entire playlist.

And I was awake.

Wide awake.

Trying hard not to peer into the darkness.

Didnt wanna see anything I wasnt supposed to.

I only slept for a good 1-2 hours. And then... I was awake all the way.

By morning, I was a zombie.

The officers were talking.

'You know ah,  yesterday, I heard something dash through the forest! Like a big animal or something. But the weird thing is, this is a pretty steep slope. How can something run so fast up a slope right?'

Wow. This was so creepy. 

Looks like this place is dirty after all.

I packed my stuff, glad I was finally leaving this place.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

I feel like tonight's encounter changed my life.

I was so heartbroken today.

I should've known better.

But now I'm in a whole different place.

Funny how life decides to take out people you want to meet from your life, and then moments later  you meet people whom you unexpectedly get along well with.

Such a beautiful mind.

With a positive outlook in life.

And similar interests as well.

Straight-up honesty.

I've never felt this good in a long time.

I wanna be forever this time.

Love, Eran.

Be forever mine.

Current Song Mood: Ariana Grande - Knew Better // Forever Boy

[Knew Better]

Say you could turn me on
Boy, but that's about it
You can say what you wanna
But I wouldn't believe it
You could write all them songs
That's the game that you play
Tryna write all them bars
But you can't make me stay

Cause I... see right through you, boy
And I, I... ain't feeling you no more
I ain't feelin' you no more

If you knew better
Boy, you would do better
Can't nobody love you like I do
Baby, I could do better
Boy, if you knew better
You would do better
Baby, if you love me like I love you
Maybe we could be together
Cause ain't nobody like me, ain't nobody like me
Ain't nobody like me, ain't nobody like me
Ain't nobody like me
Ain't nobody like me
Ain't nobody like me
Ain't nobody like me
Ain't nobody like me
Ain't nobody like me, baby


[Forever Boy]

Never been with a boy more than six months
I couldn't do it, got too used to it
Ain't nobody ever kept my attention
They couldn't do it, yeah, boy, they blew it

But you showed me what it means to be happy ever after
In love forever
And you gave me the key to all your love and all your pleasure
Boy, I'm a treasure

Oh, be forever mine, you and I
Oh, be forever mine, boy, all the time
You're my forever, boy
You're my forever, boy
You're my forever, boy
You're my forever, boy

Been friends for a minute
So you know just what I like
You know my mind
You done seen boys come and go
So you know what makes me cry
So you just wanna treat me right

But you showed me what it means to be happy ever after
In love forever
And you gave me the key to all your love and all your pleasure
Boy I'm a treasure

Oh, be forever mine, you and I
Oh, be forever mine, boy, all the time
Boy, mine, time
Boy, mine, time
You're my forever, boy
You're my forever, boy
You're my forever, boy
You're my forever, boy

Poor Heart

Page 559

The Rain/ColdFeet

3-days at a checkpoint. Great.

What a complete waste of time.

We took a bus to the area. And split up into 3 groups. Said goodbye to Ziq, and carried my heavy load all the way up. 

And when I said up, I meant high UUUUUUP.

This place was just as crazy as H3.

I struggled on the way up.

The officers did too.

By the time we got to our area, I dropped everything I had.

They set up the comms, and I rested.

It was awkward. As there were only 2 officers who stayed. 

While the rest who carried stores left.

For 3 days, it's just them and me. Great.

Before the Cadre left, he mentioned; 

'Be prepared guys. Gonna have heavy rain the next 3 nights.'

Great.

I set up my hammock. My shelter. Everything was perfectly done.

I was surprised at myself.

The other 2 decided to get creative. Chopping up trees. Making a 'table' for themselves.

They were super proud of their accomplishment. Me? I was just swaying in my hammock.

We had small talks, but I guess we knew we were on different frequencies.

Nightfall came. So did rainfall. It started at around 3pm. I missed dinner. Meh. didnt matter.

I was cozy in my hammock, under my shelter. Or so I thought.

Rainwater slowly dripped down the string, wetting my hammock bit by bit.

Soon, my whole back was wet.

'Greaaaat. Nvm Syah. It could be worse. '

And it did. The plastic bag that I placed under the shelter above me was gathering water. And eventually, it broke as I was half-asleep. Cold water poured down onto my face. 

FANTASTIC. I wanted to die that night.

Shivering cold till the next morning. I woke up, annoyed. Made myself breakfast. I was so wet.

And my feet were so cold. This place was really living up to its name.

Poor me. It's only the first night. My poor heart can't take this.

The second night.

I was expecting rain. But it didnt turn up. Luckily.

It got dark pretty fast over here, around 6pm+

I was pretty terrified of the dark.

I couldnt even see my freaking hands! That's how dark it was.

I couldnt tell if I was opening or closing my eyes.

The forest, was seriously like a different place at night.

The noisy crickets were singing non-stop.

Even louder than my music.

Leaves were rustling here and there.

I slept surprisingly well though.

I only woke up once.

When those two were cooking dinner in the dark.

I was eavesdropping on their conversations.

Not that I wanted to, they were just talking really loud.

Talking about their studies, family, how successful their parents were. How successful their girlfriends were. How they had a business to run. Their dreams. How rich they were. Typical.

I was quiet.

I started reflecting on my life.

Were my parents successful?

No.

What do they have? Compared to these people? Nothing.

Will I ever be successful then?

I will never know.

So many uncertainties.

I haven't even figured out what I wanna do after this.

Gosh.

So many things to sort out.

I was starting to regret listening to them.

I started plugging back my ears.

And returned to my own world of fantasy.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Today was pretty well spent.

Hopefully I get a spot this time.

It's getting closer to... that day.

I'm getting a little nervous.

The silence is deafening.

But if you really wanted to, you would've texted me by now right?

Yeah. I'd thought so.

Please don't hurt this poor heart anymore.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Yuna - Poor Heart

My poor, poor heart
I know you're tired of this all
I know I
I made the same mistakes a lot

I know you never make a sound
When you crash onto the ground
When I fall
For someone
I know I always let you down

But I'll never give up
Never giving up
Giving you up for love
For love

I'll never give up
Never giving up
Giving you up for love
For love

My poor, poor heart
I remember when you red
Now you're tough
Slowly turning into black

I know you never make a sound
Require in my hollow chest
When I yell at someone
You're louder than a breaking glass

But I'll never give up
Never giving up
Giving you up for love
For love

I'll never give up
Never giving up
Giving you up for love
For love

Giving you for love
You up for love

Are you thinking what I'm thinking
I think it's time for you to start beating again
For love
Are you feeling what I'm feeling
Should we go again
Go give another chance

For love, yeah, for love

But I'll never give up on you
Never giving up
Giving you up for love
For love

I'll never give up
Never giving up
Giving you up for love
For love