Marvin's Room

Page 32

I've seriously had enough. I'm tired of being too nice. We could've had SOMETHING. I've given you countless of chances. But you've just crossed the limit. You unfollowed me on Instagram a while ago - Okay fine, maybe I wasn't good looking enough for you. But then today I found out you unfollowed me on Twitter too?? Wow what a dick move.

Here's a sweet message for you:

FUCK. YOU.

Unfollowing you AND blocking you. No more chances. Think I'll be the one crawling back to you? Nah, fat hope. It's over. Oh, and whoever's dick you're sucking next, I hope it tastes better than mine did.

Bye.

_|_, Eran.

Current Song Mood: JoJo - Marvin's Room (Cover)

[Phone Call]
Hello? I'm out right now, just been drinking, Jack
What are you doing, I miss you
You wanna come over?
Oh who you with? Are you alone?

[Verse 1]
I've been up three days
Adderall and Redbull
This call is a mistake
There’s something strong in this water bottle
I hear you got a new chick
A dancing little Barbie doll
I feel so pathetic
But you still haven’t heard it all

[Chorus]
Fuck that new girl that you like so bad
She’s not crazy like me, I bet you like that
I said fuck that new girl that’s been in your bed
And when you’re in her I know I’m in your head
(Are you drunk right now?)
I’m just saying you can do better
Always turned you out every time we were together
(You know I didn't mean that)
Once you had the best boy you can't do better
(You should come over, what are you doing?)
Baby I’m the best so you can’t do better

(oh ohhh ohhh oh ohhh)

(Right)

[Verse 2]
I ran into your homeboys
They’re all fucking idiots
You’re not even my boyfriend
But They're tripping cause I’m in the club
Yeah that’s right I’m dancing
And something cool is in my cup
I’ma send a sexy picture
To remind you what you’ve given up

[Chorus]
Fuck that new girl that you like so bad
She’s not crazy like me, I bet you like that
I said fuck that new girl that’s been in your bed
And when you’re in her I know I’m in your head
(Right)
I mean, I’m just saying you can do better
Always turned you out every time we were together
Once you had the best, boy, you can't do better
Baby, I’m the best so you can't do better
(Baby, I’m the best so you can't do better)

No, you can't do better
Right, yeah
Right

Wrong Man For The Job

Page 22

* Big sigh*

Hey. Yeah you. Its been 2 weeks since we talked. Its been a month since we last met. I tried so hard to keep things going but.. I guess it didn't work out. It's just been a depressing December. Really. You keep ignoring me so.. I've lost interest. I don't see the point anymore. I feel like a fool for waiting for nothing.  You want it this way right? So I'll respect that. I don't know what went wrong, and I probably never will. It's a shame.. I really liked you. I was always here, with my arms wide open, ready to give my love. But I guess you don't need me anymore huh? Heh. Yeah. Guess I was just another dick to play with. That's alright. It doesn't matter anymore. Because.. I'm done. I'm not waiting for you anymore. I'm moving on. I have to. In order to stay sane. I need to address and end this before the new year starts. It's been fun while it lasted. Thank you SO much for all the happy memories. I will treasure them dearly. I needed a closure.. so I guess this is it. Oh and my jacket? It means a lot to me. But I guess you can keep it. You'll always.. be someone special to me. Good luck in school and whatever you're doing. Remember these words: Stay Strong. <3

Love, Eran. <3

Current Song Mood: JoJo - Wrong Man For The Job

You're the wrong man for the job

Hmmmmm

Verse 1:

I thought that you were the best part of me

Baby, I guess that we just believe what we wanna believe

I thought I knew you so well

I couldnt tell

that this was sinking so deep

I see it now

I'm breathing now

Its time for me (for me) to let go

CHORUS:

It was cool when it started but now the flame is gone

Your the wrong man for the job

My heart is breaking in pieces, but still I'm moving on

Your the wrong man for the job

I can't believe it took me so long to realize

Finally knows what it feels like (wrong man for the job)

I started moving but I wont be afraid

I'm sorry to say

Your the wrong man for the job

Ohh ohh

Verse 2:

Sometimes I wish I could take back everything

I'd be easier tonever have known you

I would spare myself so much pain

But still I can't stop thinkin bout what I'm do without

You in the lonely nights

But now I know what I gotta do

I can't ever change you

I'm letting it go tonight

Hey!

It was cool when it started but now the flame is gone

Your the wrong man for the job

My heart is breaking in pieces, but still I'm moving on

Your the wrong man for the job

I can't believe it took me so long to realize

Finally knows what it feels like (wrong man for the job)

I started moving but I wont be afraid

I'm sorry to say

Your the wrong man for the job

Breakdown:

I'm looking for somebody to love the way I should be loved

I need someone to do more for me than you have ever done

I love you but you're not the one

It was cool when it started but now the flame is gone

Your the wrong man for the job

My heart is breaking in pieces, but still I'm moving on

Your the wrong man for the job

I can't believe it took me so long to realize

Finally knows what it feels like (wrong man for the job)

I started moving but I wont be afraid

I'm sorry to say

Your the wrong man for the job

Heyeyy

Your the wrong man for the job (x2)

Disaster

Page 19

Just ended my attachment today. It was good.. at least it was something that helped to keep my mind off things for the past 2 weeks. I've seen a lot of things there. I've also made new bonds with kids that I will never forget.. My heart goes out to those innocent kids who had to go through child abuse. It really pains my heart to see them in such a frightened state. Sigh. Parents have a big part to play. It's such a sad situation to be in for a child. Well I'm glad that I got to experience all this. Looking forward to my next posting.

Things are falling into place right now. I really counted my blessings today and I am so ever grateful. Praises to Allah. My life is becoming more meaningful now… :)

Love, Eran.

And you? I'm done waiting.

Current Song Mood: JoJo - Disaster

I'm trying not to pretend that it wont happen again, and again like that

Never thought it would end, cuz you got up in my head, in my head like that

You made me happy baby, love is crazy, so amazing

But it's changing, rearranging

I don't think I can take anymore

Cuz the walls burned up and our love fell down

And it turned into whatever, now we're saying never

Feel the fire cuz it's all around and it's burning

For forever and always

We gotta let it go, be on our way

Live for another day, cuz it ain't the same, my baby

Watch it all fallin to the ground

No happy ever after, just disaster

I didn't want it this way, I only wanted to say

I loved you right

But now you walkin away, and leavin me here to stay

So foolish of me to wait for you to realize

All the things I gave you, made you, changed you

Your dreams came true

When I met you, now forget you

Don't want anymore

Cuz the walls burned up and our love fell down

And it turned into whatever, now we're saying never

Feel the fire cuz it's all around and it's burning

For forever and always

We gotta let it go, be on our way

Live for another day, cuz it ain't the same, my baby

Watch it all fallin to the ground

No happy ever after, just disaster

You shot the bullet , you shot the bullet that killed me

Not feeling my heart beat, and I was dyin

I I've been through it, I I've been through the agony

And now my eyes are, dryin, tryin, no more cryin,

Like it's just a game,

So disaster strikes and I'm all right

Cuz my loves on his way

Yeah

Burning up forever and always (always)

yeah yeah yeaa

Cuz the walls burned up and our love fell down

And it turned into whatever, now we're saying never

Feel the fire cuz it's all around and it's burning

For forever and always

We gotta let it go, be on our way

Live for another day, cuz it ain't the same, my baby

Watch it all fallin to the ground

No happy ever after, just disaster

Cuz the walls burned up and our love fell down

And it turned into whatever, now we're saying never

Feel the fire cuz it's all around and it's burning

For forever and always

We gotta let it go, be on our way

Live for another day, cuz it ain't the same, my baby

Watch it all fallin to the ground

No happy ever after, just disaster

Just disaster

Oh whoa! Burnin up forever and always

Always, yeah

Honeymoon Avenue

Page 15

Today I read through our messages. What precious memories they are.. :)

When did we first talk?

26 September. It was during my attachment. This cute person followed me on Twitter hahaha. We talked through dm, and eventually went to WhatsApp. I was excited because the previous person contacting me stopped talking to me. Coincidentally you were a friend of that person lol. Which made me raise my eyebrows a bit.. Anyways you always initiated the talking and I was always so happy to respond. :)

We didn't talk for a week because I was busy with attachment, so I started texting you again. It was awkward because there was really nothing to talk about lol.. Then we stopped. (That was in October.)

Then one month later, 1st November ( I remember it clearly because I was busy running my school's Halloween event) you started texting me again. I was kinda surprised and caught off guard tbh lol.. Like reading it and I'm like 'omg its you again I'm busy right now how how how ._.' Hahaha. And then you talked about wanting to meet up which was sweet. Swear I was so happy that night. We continued chatting every day. Damn sweet. And you'd get so upset if I didn't respond hahaha! You were always there for me.. to chat with.

Then you said something that I didn't expect. - You wanted to call me. My reaction: 'Omg how I think my voice sounds weird leh howhowhow. ._.' Haha! In the end we didn't get to call and our meet-up got cancelled because we were both busy.

We didn't talk again for another week and I felt bad so I initiated it first.
''Now where will want to talk to me? :(' You said. Hahaha. So easily upset ah you! School was hectic at that time so I didn't feel like talking to anyone. We then planned to meet again.

Our first phone call was cute. I was watching X Factor and you called and I immediately said talk later cause I wanted to concentrate (but I was nervous actually LOL). So after X Factor we talked again and we got to know each other better. :) We talked almost every day after that. It was awkward when there was nothing to talk about. But I didn't care. I just enjoyed being on the phone with you. Just your presence was comforting. And no matter what you made me feel special. You tried hard to keep the conversation going. You always were so excited and persistent to talk to me. :')

We talked about our favourite food. About school. About travelling together one day.. About going to your place to watch movies.. About your problems with Him. Remember my sweet lines? HAHA.

We were SO excited about Saturday, the day we were meeting. I even counted down lol. My friends knew I was contacting someone and they were sooo happy for me hahaha! Kept disturbing and pestering me to find out who.

23 November. Our first meeting. I wore my fave red shirt because I knew red was your fave colour. :) Bet you didn't really notice right? Met you at JCube. Really didn't know what to say haha! Damn awkwardz. Lent you my green jacket because it was gonna be cold. We had to buy *super* expensive tickets just to catch Catching Fire (my fault, I admit :x) HAHAHA BUT I LOVED THE MOVIE OKAYZ. ._. So during the movie. You unexpectedly caressed me while I was concentrating on the movie LOL. Hello I cannot concentrateeee. Till I had to hold on to your hand because.. ;) I SHY OKAY. ._. But deep down I was dying from excitement hahaha!! After the movie, almost left my EZ-Link, under my seat, luckily I checked! Went to accompany you smoke, then visited the pasar malam nearby. Shared a drink and then went to Woodlands together :) Tried to take a selfie in the train, and I remember this guy that gave us weird stares LOL. Damn epic. But I didn't care. Because when I was with you and it didn't matter. :) You texted me later that day how sorry you were about being quiet and about your sweaty palms haha. Really cute. I really enjoyed that day. :)

Our next meeting was the last day of our papers. It wasn't planned. I scrapped my plans with my friends just to see you again. We cuddled, kissed and made out. My first time. I miss that.

Days later we talked normally, but lesser. Then 2 days we didn't talk at all. I waited but.. nothing. I didn't understand why. So I did the talking. Everyday I started it. It didn't feel the same. There was an obvious difference. Lesser emojis. Lesser feelings. Taking longer time to reply. Kept tell myself I was overreacting. I've been telling some of my friends about how upset I was. They told me you're not worth holding on to. But I disagreed. I'm still holding on to our happy moments. I miss you. I miss us. You were different from others. You made me genuinely happy. :')

I know about how much you still miss Him. I know you didn't have any work the first week of December and yet you didn't ask to meet me. I know you have some issues yet you still don't want to tell me. Family issues maybe? Who knows. Tell me I'm wrong. I hope I am. Idk.. I just wish.. you were more straightforward with me. You know I can take it. :) I'll always understand.

Just take a look back at our messages. Maybe you'll realise the difference. Maybe you'll miss it as much as I do.

We couldn't stand not talking to each other.

That time when you really wanted to talk to me on the phone :)

Your cheesy words :)

My sweet lines HAHA.

You always knew how to make me feel happy. :')

We were really happy.

All the 'I Love You's

We understood each other.

Just to talk to me.

Remember this pic you sent?

Sadly this didn't happen during our holidays..

I miss you too.

<3

It took a lot just to read through them, memories all rushing back. The past few weeks have been.. depressing. I feel like I've only got myself to be blamed. I don't know. I feel really hurt sometimes because you mean a lot to me. I just want you to know that I'm still holding onto our good memories. I miss you. I really like you, I.  I mean it. :) You'll always be special to me..

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Ariana Grande - Honeymoon Avenue

I feel like my heart is stuck
In bumper to bumper traffic
I'm under pressure
Cause I can't have you the way that I want
Let's just go back to the way it was

If I Can't Have You

Page 13

Sooo its Friday The 13th!! Lol never got the deal with this date. Anyways my Prism babies were having a meet up today and I was actually all prepared to go ._. But then. hais. Just felt the need to spend the day alone by myself. Nowadays it's like that. But hell, I can't even get a break at home. My Mum's been up at my neck all day -.- Ugh whatever.

Speaking of today.. QUEEN B RELEASED HER NEW ALBUM JUST LIKE THAT *snaps* ._. WHAT? NO PROMO NO NOTHING? What a smart move. Never been done before! And I swear after hearing some of her tracks, they just take me to another world.. Like.. that's the sound I inspire to make!! The atmosphere, the beat, the lyrics. That's what I LOVE about RnB. And I swear I will get there someday..

You. You keep giving me false hope. You think I can't sense it? I'm not dumb. I'm disappointed in you.  I'm still holding on to the good moments. Don't let me down. Because I'm starting to give up. Let's just go back to the way it was. If this continues then.. I'm sorry.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Adam Lambert - If I Can't Have You (cover)

Can't let go and it doesn't matter how I try

I gave it all so easily to you my love

To dreams that never will come true

My tears of love are a waste of time

If I turn away am I strong enough to see it through?

Go crazy is what I'll do

If I can't have you, I don't want nobody baby

If I can't have you, if I can't have you

Gravity

Page 12

Today was.. mentally challenging. I want to say the words but I just can't. I feel so.. hopeless. I don't know what's next. I don't know.. I feel so lonely.

X Factor today, I was really emotionally touched by Alex and Sierra's song 'Gravity' by Sara Bareilles.. Just wow.. Felt Demi when she cried hahaha. So gonna download it today. 

Well my holidays are ending soon. Sucks. Not looking forward to attachment. Peace & love.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Alex & Sierra - Gravity (cover)

Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.
No matter what I say or do I'll still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone.

Cannonball

Page 10

Yay finally going out tomorrow! Can't waittt. :) Bout time I enjoy myself. Holidays were supposed to be exciting but now its just a bore. Had a nice heart to heart talk with GF today hahaha. THIS is why I love her: 

Laughed so hard at this hahaha. But she speaks the TRUTH. ._.

Anyway Lea Michele's new single just came out and I'm loving how Sia-influenced it is  (duh, she's the writer). Take a listen! Can't wait for her album next year.. Love & peace out yo. xo.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Lea Michele - Cannonball

Break it down

I was scared to death I was losing my mind

Break it down

I gotta get out into the world again

And now I will start living today

Today, today I close the door

I got this new beginning and I will fly

I’ll fly like a cannonball

Untouched

Page 9

Went to KTPH with Mum today for her dental appointment. Was trying my best to avoid people because I didn't wanna bump into familiar faces HAHAHA. Then had breakfast with her and my lil bro  :) Been a while since I last went out with mama! Oh oh and today my neighbour gave us home made croissants that was sooo mmdapz. *-* Like seriously the only reason why I like my neighbour is because of the food she makes LOL.

Today was.. another boring day. I hope you're okay. Pushing me away isn't cool. I'm still holding on. I'm still waiting.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: The Veronicas - Untouched

I feel so untouched and I want you so much
That I just can't resist you, it's not enough to say that I miss you
I feel so untouched right now, need you so much
Somehow I can't forget you, I've gone crazy from the moment I met you

Unconditional

Page 5

Met up with Ida today for some music therapy session haha. We ended going a big round around the school just to find a spot. Hahaha damn, what an exercise. Felt good stepping out of the house. I just felt like I needed a change of.. environment. Today, I felt genuinely happy for once. Then it came crashing down when I read something. How long can I keep this up? There's only so much I can take. I.. I don't know anymore.

Love, Eran

Current Song Mood: Katy Perry - Unconditional

Oh no, did I get too close oh?
Oh, did I almost see what's really on the inside?
All your insecurities
All the dirty laundry
Never made me blink one time

Clarity

PAGE 4

I tried my best to be happy today. To feel like myself again. It did work, for a while. For starters I could make a conversation with my Mum without getting pissed at her. I also spent the day playing Xbox zombie games with my lil bro in an attempt to cheer myself up. Lol. But yet.. still... the emptiness in me couldn't get filled up. I hate this. I hate feeling so pathetic. I hate looking so fucking WEAK. Yet you.. you seem just fine. Like I was nothing.

Why? WHY. Fuck it la. Just give me a good reason man.. I still don't understand you. I still don't understand your actions. I need some clarity. What did I do wrong? :'( Just talk to me.. I'm still coming to terms with my feelings. I'm still finding myself. And I need you. The silence is killing me. Please…

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Ellona Santiago - Clarity (cover)

Cause you are, the piece of me,
I wish, I didn't need
Chasing, relentlessly,
Still fight and I don't know why

To Be With You

PAGE 3

I really miss you. But it seems like you don't care. Not anymore. Slowly this thing we had.. it seems like it's fading. It's like a vicious cycle. It happened to you, now it's happening to me. Have the feelings faded? I was smiling more a couple of weeks ago. Nowadays i'm just… emotionless. Empty. You were the best thing that ever happened to me. Everything seems different now. It hurts.

I want to be with you. I miss you. :'(

Love, Eran.

Current song mood: David Archuleta - To Be With You

I've been alone so many nights now
And I've been waiting for the stars to fall
I keep holding out, for what, I don't know
To be with you, just to be with you

Make You Feel My Love

PAGE 2

I know. I know exactly how it feels. How it feels like waiting forever, just for that special person to come back. It hurts so bad. There's so much pain. Like your heart is bleeding profusely, non-stop. Every single day, you wake up feeling empty. Feeling fucking miserable. Feeling like you're missing something.. Something so important in your life. You feel like you're losing yourself. You feel like not doing anything. You feel like just curling up in a ball, lying on the bed, under your blankets, in the dark, doing nothing. Nothing but feel grief & sadness. And yet you hope. You still hope that this person will come back. Come back and talk to you, make you feel better, make you feel like YOU again. Just like old times. But no. You realise the cold hard truth. And it hits you hard right where your heart is beating. Because you know it's never going to happen again.

Pain is part of growth and experience in life. Pain is inevitable. Pain is temporary. It gets better. I want you to know that I understand. I want you to know that I'll be there for you. You can talk to me about anything. God placed me in your life for a reason. And I believe you're a reason in mine. Even if you choose to walk away from me… I'll always be right there. 

Love, Eran

Current song mood: Glee - Make You Feel My Love

You Know there's nothing

That I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love