Only 1 // One Last Time // Autumn Leaves

Page 177

This post is about an individual that… I unexpectedly fell for. I feel like this is one of my most personal posts yet… These 3 songs represented those situations. This is our story, F.A.

*flashback*

We had been contacting each other for a while, and you wanted to meet up for dinner. It was on a Friday. Coincidentally, on the same day, I met with another person in the afternoon, but we didnt get to do anything.

So on the meeting day, we were supposed to meet at 4.30. But you delayed and delayed until like.. 6. Because you had to test your new laptop out and blablabla. Lucky I didnt go out yet. But I was already prepared. You weren't even sorry and you really got on my nerves. I was *THIS* close to cancelling the meet-up. But I something told me to just go ahead with it. 

So I did.

We met at Woodlands tapping gantry. You looked different from your pictures. Better, to be honest. More.. rugged. We decided to go to Clementi instead to get some art stuff for your friend's birthday card. A doraemon card. During the train ride, you tried to talk to me. You told me your views of me. How.. quiet I was. How you saw me as someone 'holy' haha. Holy shit you mean? We talked about school, family, life. We reached Clementi, went to Artfriend. And you went to buy your stuff.

I on the other hand, was looking for a notebook. LOL. Cause attachment was starting. 

And I got this:

Remember this? I still use it. It means a lot to me.

So we bought our stuffs, then we went to Clementi's Fish & Co. Wanted to try it out cause I never ate there before. Hehe. And you said you'd treat me cause you were late, so I gladly accepted. ;)

So. We queued up. Got our seats and ordered our dinner. We chatted more.. We talked about our past relationships. You told me how cute I was. How popular I must be in school. LOL. How wrong you were..

We proceeded to settle the bill. And you panicked because something was wrong with your card. You were so embarrassed, but I swear I didnt mind paying first. You then insisted on going to the atm to pay me back. And you did. We went home after that. Took the train.. and you bumped into a friend, who chatted with you. Before that, you asked if we could… 'lepak'.

I was contemplating. But then.. I decided to go for it. We reached Woodlands. You looked at me, and I got up. We went out together. Down the escalator, we walked. And walked. In the darkness. Towards a nearby school.

'You sure you wanna do this?'

'Yeah.'

We looked around for people. We got inside. And we had the time of our lives.

We walked out of the building. You said this to me:

'Is this gonna be.. a one-time thing? Where you stop contacting me after this?'

Me: 'No. Usually, it's the other party who will stop contacting me.'

We kept on walking and talking.

You: 'You're so cute. You know that?'

Me: 'There are other good-looking guys.'

You: *rolls eyes*

'That phrase should be banned.'

Haha.

We walked to the bus interchange and took the bus together.

You sent me to my place. Under my block. And you looked at me. And I stared in yours eyes. And I wanted to… but I was too shy. So we said our goodbyes. I blushed and I went home. 

And I texted you.. and confessed.

I don't know why, but I had a really strong liking to you. 

You felt the exact same way. 

You said you fell the minute you saw me.

But it was too early to say that. And you knew.

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It felt surreal.

I can't be your only 1.

Current Song Mood: Ariana Grande - Only 1

I want you, I want you
I want you, I want you
I want you, I want you

Let me introduce myself
Let me introduce myself
Let me introduce myself

Lookin' in your eyes makes me wonder how
I got so much time with you and there's more around
I know all the competition that's after you
So I get to thinking, is this too good to be true?

That we're living
In a fairytale no malice and no lies
Baby, oh, it's hard to believe
All the love you have inside is only mine
That's how I know

I can't be your only one
No, I can't be your only one
'Cause you look twice as good as anyone I ever met
And your love is three times better, how could anyone forget?
No, I can't

I can't be your only one
No, I can't be your only one
'Cause you look twice as good as anyone I ever met
And your love is three times better, how could anyone forget?
No, I can't

As I'm layin' down with you every night
It still gets to me that you remain by my side
I ain't saying that I'm not deservin' of you
But I was dreaming bigger than I ever knew when
I wished for living
In a fairytale no malice and no lies
Baby, oh, it's hard to believe
That the love you have to give is only mine
That's how i know

I can't be your only one
No, I can't be your only one
'Cause you look twice as good as anyone I ever met
And your love is three times better, how could anyone forget?
No, I can't

I can't be your only one
No, I can't be your only one
'Cause you look twice as good as anyone I ever met
And your love is three times better, how could anyone forget?
No, I can't

Only 1
Be your only 1
Only 1

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The next meet-up was during my attachment period. It was a Sunday. You promised to go dating, but your pay wasn't in yet, and you said you'd be willing to spend the whole day with me. So I decided to treat you instead. We went to the movies. I waited for you (as usual). Before that.. I sensed something. You called me. You sounded hesitant… like you wanted to tell me something. But when you heard that I went out already, you just went along with it.

I waited at Woodlands. And you came, looking as attractive as ever, in your jacket. And you had the best cologne on that I've ever smelled. 

:)

As we walked in the cinema.. You promised. You promised to take me out again. To the Halloween Horror Night. To Gardens By The Bay. I had my hopes up high.

We watched The Maze Runner. (Amazing show btw).

For the first time, and based from my past experiences, I was surprised you weren't touchy with me. It was nice for once, to be able to concentrate on the movie. LOL.

After the movie, we went home.. I was expecting.. something. Anything. But nothing. You just wanted to send me home.

'No kinky stuff tonight' you said.

Me: 'Sure? ;)'

You: 'Haha, yes, sure.'

So we walked from Woodlands all the way to Admiralty. We kept quiet for a while. And I just kept staring at you. Thinking how great you looked in the moment. Right beside me.

You talked about going on your KL trip with your friends. I was gonna miss you. We walked to the blocks nearby my house, and sat down at a bench. 

You suddenly said this…

You: 'I'm afraid of commitment.'

And I said: 'Well, I never had the chance to be committed'.

You: 'Why?'

Me: 'They left before I could.'

We sat silently for a long time. And then I yawned. 

You: 'OKAY, its time for you to go home.'

LOL.

We walked under my block again. This time.. we hid behind a wall. LOLOL. And we hugged.

'That's it..?'

I said as I looked at your eyes. 

And you looked in mine. And you leaned in.

 And sparks flew.

'See you. :)'

'Bye.'

I went home.. feeling like the luckiest guy alive. I was so in love. So happy..

And then it all stopped.

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One last time, I wish I could see you again.

I wish I could send you home.

Current Song Mood: Ariana Grande - One Last Time

I was a liar
I gave into the fire
I know I should've fought it
At least I'm being honest
Feel like a failure
'Cause I know that I failed you
I should've done you better
'Cause you don't want a liar (come on)

And I know, and I know, and I know
She gives you everything but, boy, I couldn't give it to you
And I know, and I know, and I know
That you got everything
But I got nothing here without you

So one last time
I need to be the one who takes you home
One more time
I promise after that, I'll let you go
Baby, I don't care if you got her in your heart
All I really care is you wake up in my arms
One last time
I need to be the one who takes you home

I don't deserve it
I know I don't deserve it
But stay with me a minute
I swear I'll make it worth it
Can't you forgive me?
At least just temporarily
I know that this is my fault
I should've been more careful (come on)

And I know, and I know, and I know
She gives you everything but, boy, I couldn't give it to you
And I know, and I know, and I know
That you got everything
But I got nothing here without you, baby

So one last time
I need to be the one who takes you home
One more time
I promise after that, I'll let you go
Baby, I don't care if you got her in your heart
All I really care is you wake up in my arms
One last time
I need to be the one who takes you home

I know I shouldn't fight it
At least I'm being honest
But stay with me a minute
I swear I'll make it worth it
'Cause I don't want to be without you

So one last time
I need to be the one who takes you home
One more time
I promise after that, I'll let you go
Baby, I don't care if you got her in your heart
All I really care is you wake up in my arms
One last time
I need to be the one who takes you home

One last time
I need to be the one who takes you home

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You changed after your holiday trip. You texted me lesser. You told me… that we should just be friends. For now. But you considered us as 'dating' already. My foot. -.-

You didnt even try and you knew that.

All the plans you promised we would do.. All scrapped. I was too used to this. Sometimes I don't understand why you'd bother texting me sometimes. Asking me if we could go jog together.. or have small talks or whatever. Why bother when it's all words and no action?

What was I to you?

For a period of time, I was lost, again. Just so lost…

I had that feeling. I had that feeling that we wouldn't last. All the signs we clear. You were hesitant about it from the start. You were afraid of commitment. Yet I was so hopeful..

And to be honest. I'm still hoping. I was gonna text you today.. but I didn't send the message. Because I knew you'd still feel indifferent. There's no point.

When you left for your overseas trip, I thought you'd be gone for good.

And I was right. Now you are.

Disappearing.

All that's left are the memories.

And.. my notebook.

You taught me about how committed I had to be in a relationship. How important that was. And honestly, this past few months, I've been having that issue. Now.. I know.

Love, Eran.

I hold on like leaves to what is left…

Current Song Mood: Chris Brown Ft Kendrick Lamar - Autumn Leaves

If you leave this time I fear that you'll be gone for good
So I hold on like leaves in fall to what is left
Said her father left her young and
He said he'll be back with that same tone that you just said you'll stay forever with
[Chorus:]
It seems that all the autumn leaves are falling
I feel like you're the only reason for it
All the things you do, all the things you do, all the things you do
All the things you do, all the things you do, all the things you do
It seems that you're the only reason for it

I've been bleeding in your silence
I feel safer in your violence
I hold on like leaves in fall to what is left
Before I sleep I talk to God
He must be mad with me, it's coming
I'm confused who'll I'll spend my forever with

[Chorus]

[Kendrick Lamar:]
So the iceberg never broke
And I poked at it and I poked at it and I poked at it
And I poked and I poked and I poked at it
But it stayed stagnant then I poked at it some more, some more
And in my notepad, man I wrote and I wrote
If I don't have it, if I don't grab it
If it don't chip then a toe tag is, one last
I'mma hope, I'mma hope so iceberg don't float
If I do manage to do damage to you dammit
It'd be grand as ten Grammies or my granny still standing
With a note, a note that read "Granted, don't you panic."
When you make mistakes the most, the most
One day it'll make you grow, you grow
When you outlandish and you lose manners
To God you shall consult, consult
When the bright cameras are still cramming
In your face and it provoke, provoke
You to act mannish, just stay planted
Cause you reapin' what you sow
Keep positivity in your heart and
Keep a noose from 'round your throat and
When you get mad and when you poke at it
When you poke it at just know, man
The iceberg is a reflection of you when you re-new your vision
Just think if it had sunk Titanic, the fuck it would do to a critic, my nigga?
Yeah, yeah, tell me, when doves cry do you hear 'em love?
Do you hear 'em love? Do you hear 'em?
And if my ship go down tell me who will abort?
And they won't let me live even when remorse that I give
When it gon' rejoice and forgive, tell me how I stay positive
When they never see good in me
Even though I got hood in me
Don't mean he won't redeem me, Lord

[Chorus]