Clean

Page 179 

This year has been such an emotional ride. I think I say that every year. Haha. Right now i'm typing this from my balcony. A place I never thought I'd have the courage to hang out again because of all the memories it had. Now, in this moment, all those memories are blurred. Things have changed. I, have changed. I'm not afraid anymore. 

Let's look back at 2014…

- The first few months, I was going through grieve. I was going through phases, feeling positive one day, and feeling damn depressed the next. Everything I did, reminded me of that someone. No matter how hard I tried to forget. I took about 4 months to get over those feelings.

- I started recording music seriously and in my most professional ways possible. And I released MY FIRST MIXTAPE!! LovEran :) It was such an amazing experience!!

- Had amazing birthday celebrations in school. I felt so loved and touched that people would go that far to make me happy and feel appreciated. :)

- I planned & ran.. MY FIRST CAMP!!! HEHE. Being in the Exco, it was a hell of a ride. So many conflicts. So many problems. So many breakdowns. But with all the friendships on my side, it was the best feeling EVER. I still love them till this day <3

- I… learned to love again. It was tough. But there were so many, that have come and go. And those that stayed.. I really treasure with all my heart.

- I've broken hearts. I've learnt to let go. And I've learnt to say NO at the RIGHT timings.

- I've finished SCHOOOL!!!! Just left with finishing my internship and i'm outta here.

- I got stalked this year. LOL. Who would have thought it would happen to me? That was a crazy night.

- I've been more open with people.. And that's a good thing. :)

-Year 3: The year where people finally show their true colours. I've made friends, and I've lost friends. It was a lot of filtering to do. And it doesn't matter, because those that mean the most, will always stay close. :)

- I've been.. working out. In my own ways. ;) LOL.

- I've had the best staycations of my life!!!!! :')

- I've explored myself sexually in ways that I cannot imagine nor say. HAHA.

- And I've overcome my fear… Of meeting an asshole. And getting my fucking jacket back. :)

I've accomplished a lot this year.
And I've never felt more confident in my own skin.
Here's to 2015.

Happy New Years.

Love, Eran.

I'm not afraid anymore.

I think I'm finally.. clean.

Current Song Mood: Taylor Swift - Clean

The drought was the very worst
When the flowers that we'd grown together died of thirst
It was months, and months of back and forth
You're still all over me like a wine-stained dress I can't wear anymore

Hung my head as I lost the war, and the sky turned black like a perfect storm

Rain came pouring down when I was drowning
That's when I could finally breathe
And by morning gone was any trace of you,
I think I am finally clean

There was nothing left to do
When the butterflies turned to dust that covered my whole room
So I punched a hole in the roof
Let the flood carry away all my pictures of you

The water filled my lungs, I screamed so loud but no one heard a thing

Rain came pouring down when I was drowning
That's when I could finally breathe
And by morning, gone was any trace of you,
I think I am finally clean
I think I am finally clean
Said I think I am finally clean

10 months sober, I must admit
Just because you're clean don't mean you don't miss it
10 months older, I won't give in
Now that I'm clean I'm never gonna risk it

The drought was the very worst
When the flowers that we'd grown together died of thirst

Rain came pouring down when I was drowning
That's when I could finally breathe
And by morning gone was any trace of you,
I think I am finally clean

Rain came pouring down when I was drowning
That's when I could finally breathe
And by morning gone was any trace of you
I think I am finally clean
Finally clean
Think I'm finally clean
Think I'm finally clean